I just finished reading C. Jane's post about transitions in motherhood (and all the comments). Going from no children to one. From one to two. Which is hardest, easiest, smoothest, calmest. And so on.
And since I'm in the midst of one of those transitions, I loved reading it all. While I'm pretty sure I'm not experiencing any postpartum depression (nor did I after Raymond was born), I agree that transitions of this nature are just hard any way you slice it.
It's a new balancing act, a new rhythm, a new sense of self.
And all that newness takes some time to get used to, you know? It's been a mixed blessing for me to have this baby at the height of the holidays (two days before Thanksgiving, in fact). I've had so much extra help with Jeremy on breaks from school and all the extra family time associated with the holidays. I've also loved holding a newborn and singing or reading or thinking about the newborn Savior--it's added such a calming and inspiring aspect to my holiday season.
On the other hand, there is so much to do! Not enough hands to do it with!
It's taken determination to cross things off my To Do list that I never actually got around to doing. To say no gifts to neighbors this year. No Christmas cards. No caramel making. And then to not feel guilty about it. (That's the clincher: the no guilt. I'm oh so good at feeling guilt.)
But I believe in treading softly on these transition months. On being slow. On not rushing.
It was super important to me to get as much as possible done before she came, so that I could simply enjoy her now that she's here. I'm doing my best to live up to that. To let things go.
I think this transition has been much softer and calmer than my transition from none to one was. Partly because I know a little bit (although still not enough!) of what I'm doing. And I know how fast it will go. And I trust that eventually I'll sleep again.
So I'm treasuring up the sweetness of a newborn. Even when she cries or won't sleep anywhere but in my arms.
Because all of that is worth it to have her tiny hands cling tightly to my shirt as she sleeps snuggled up on my chest. To hear her little puffs of breath come in and out as her eyelids flutter and her mouth hangs falls open into a long O. Oh how I love to kiss and kiss and kiss those pink cheeks and drink in her smell when her head falls slack on my shoulder.
It's ok that everything but the bare essentials seems to be neglected right now. Because her cheeks are so soft, you see.
And you know, I was an imperfect mom before she came. And I'm an imperfect mom still. But I'm better for having her. I'm confident that two will teach me what one could not. And someday the same will go for adding another. And another. And so on. And while it should (an is!) be hard, or rather, challenging, stretching, purifying, it's also sweet. And I like to focus on the tenderness more than the toughness.
And so I am doing my best to tread softly. On myself, my schedule, my To Dos, my imperfections, my little ones, my life. I will soon enough have to emerge from the newborn cocoon, I want to bask in it's sweetness as long as I possibly can.
9 comments:
You may not know this but I love reading your blog because you teach me so much about mothering. I love that you can take the simplest of things and turn them into something great. I also know the same is true about your sister Tasha. I know you both had a wonderful mother that was a great example of what mothering should be :)
What a beautiful sweet post. Makes me glad to be a mother.
Those first few months are such a special time. And it did help to know that I would be able to sleep again someday. ;)
P.S. I think that Ginny needs a permanent picture on the side bar!!
I ditto Letti, I often read your blog and every time I do I feel like I am being helped by you, and Tasha for that matter. You are both great examples. You are doing great.
I love your way with words. I wish I could express myself like you do. 'Treading softly' is something I still trying to do, because almost every time I look at my boys I can see them all big and grown and I just want to savor the moments and breathe it in. It is so hard not to over do things and I am learning hard to say no to people, projects and plans and yes to my kids and just being with them.
Tread softly and enjoy those babies for as long and as much as you can because you only have them fulltime for about five short years. The time goes by so fast and when you look back you always think , "I wish I would have enjoyed them more."
I have had six kids and I am still an imperfect mother. Still learning and growing.
Beautifully written, Carly. Thanks for sharing.
You are such a cute and good Mother Carly Jane. I loved talking this week. It made me smile all day long. First your message on my phone that had me cracking up and then to just talk and talk. I know it is silly but I think my favorite part was hearing you hold the phone away and disapline little Raymond. It just made me realize we have hit another mile stone of a similar stage together. We can understand each other just that much more. You are such a good Mom and doing it just right. Enjoying it and keeping things simple. It is funny how each step of the way we learn and learn and learn and then look back and are so grateful for all of it. This week has been a reflective one for me. It has made me remember just how much I truly do love Motherhood. It is so great. Even when it is hard. I am so grateful. Love you Carly Jane.
Carly, you are wonderful. I am feeling all of the same things you are feeling as I've transitioned from one baby to two. It is wonderful and difficult; tiring and inspiring; joyful beyond description and frustrating beyond belief. Thank you for expressing this experience so well. You truly have a talent for writing.
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