What do women want?

This question plagued Sigmund Freud who eventually concluded that women want to be like men. Mary Pipher, in her book Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls, asserts that "each woman wants something different and particular and yet each woman wants the same thing--to be who she truly is, to become who she can become" (26). Of course, I agree much more with Pipher than with Freud. But still, this question has in many ways haunted me as well. What is it that I, as a woman, want? I often feel contradictions of the world around me. I want to be loved, yet independent. I want to be successful, but not intimidating. I want to develop my talents, but not seek after fame or vanity. I want to be a wife and mother, but not obsessive about getting married. I want to be happy, but not fake. I want to take care of myself, but not swallowed by media's imposing images and demands. The swirl of wants sometimes leaves me wondering which way is up.

And yet, having been taught the Gospel of Jesus Christ, I feel like I should be able to make sense of it all. In the past year I have been pondering and studying just what it means to be a Daughter of Eve, a Daughter of God, and a woman. I have attended the temple, studied in the scriptures, and discussed with roommates, friends, and family. I have read every talk from the General Relief Society Broadcasts, conference addresses, and BYU devotionals that I could find posted on the internet and in the Eternal Marriage manual, pertaining to this subject.

When I first starting studying in earnest, I was living in a student ward--a ward, unlike most at BYU, with a large percentage of returned sister missionaries and older single sisters. Many of the sisters in my ward were angry at being single—to the point of defiantly feeling that they no longer cared if they ever got married. Others, perhaps not so defiant, were lonely and felt no sense of direction in their lives.

I now find myself living alone in Blanding Utah—as you know—teaching high school English. Every day I teach beautiful young women who are struggling to understand who they are and to not base it on their appearance. They are bright, beautiful young women who are trying to do and be good. But they spend hours each day getting ready. They worry more about their appearance than, it seems, anything else. I worry that when they lose the battle in front of the mirror there will not be anything left.

No matter where I find myself or who I talk with, I am troubled by the women around me. We, even many taught the doctrine of the restored gospel, seem to be tossed to and fro on every wind of doctrine that would whisper we are something other than what the brethren, the scriptures, and the spirit teach we are. It seems that Satan’s lies are so very close to the truth that it is hard to decipher them. Even—or most especially—in an LDS society, we seem to be giving in.

We live in a society today where the word feminist is a pejorative. And while I cannot support many of the ideals of "feminists" as the word is used at large, I feel that we have a responsibility to stand strong in defending womanhood and motherhood. To me, a true feminist denounces pornography and anything that degrades or reduces the female body to an object of worship (including movies, music, ads, etc.). A true feminist fights for the female right to develop her talents and skills in order to bless the lives of others--both in the home and the community. A true feminist does not fight for "equality" between the sexes, but respect, understanding, and partnership. A true feminist does not seek to be lifted on a pedastool to be worshiped or idolized. A true feminist respects and acknowledges men for who they are (and can become). A true feminist understands that her identity cannot be divorced from her ability and need to be a mother--both literally and figuratively. A true feminist does not degrade or demean the sacrifices and art of keeping a home and building a family.

In the midst of my own personal struggle to understand and discern truth from error, I am grateful for so many good women around me who already demonstrate the ability to exercise faith and set the world's definitions aside; who have helped me identify the attributes that throughout time have been signatures of womanhood. I have come to the conclusion that I do not yet truly understand what it means to be a woman, a Daughter of God, or a Daughter of Eve, but I feel I am getting closer to understanding the truth—and the magnitude of it. I am grateful for the search it has led me on, and for the quiet whisperings of the spirit that help me know—even if I do not fully comprehend—that I am loved and watched over.

What are your thoughts? Where is my understanding or perspective lacking? How have you seen this to be true in your lives? What is it that we, as women, want? How do we balance the demands all around us?