Do it or die

"Commitment is . . . the act of obligating oneself to a course of action and then diligently following through on that decision. When people are genuinely committed, they have real intent, meaning that they fully intend to do what they have committed to do. They make an unwavering and earnest decision to change."
--Preach My Gospel, pg. 195

Perhaps it is because I managed to get out of my commitment to join the local young single adults to go skiing on Saturday (skiing really scares me!) or because of my inability to grade papers or make good lesson plans on weekends, I don't know, but I have been thinking a lot about commitment lately. I love this definition from Preach My Gospel. It never fails to catch my attention (and sometimes make me cringe). Words like real intent, unwavering, earnest, obligating, and diligently. What is a commitment to the Lord? Nothing sort of heart, might, mind, and strength. The whole soul.

In today's world, such a thing is almost unheard of. We think nothing of skipping a class (despite the commitment we made to attend when we signed up for it), saying we will "be there" for a friend's get together or a church function and just not showing up (I was too tired, not feeling well, or "not in the mood"), or walking out of a situation (a job, a program, even marriage) when it just gets too hard. We don't trust each other either. People have broken their promises one too many times.

It makes sense when we talk about a covenant to understand that it must be a whole-hearted endeavor. But sometimes, it is easy to not be quite as unwavering or earnest in other aspects of my life (Ok, so I said I would get up with my alarm... but today doesn't count. OR, I said I was going to eat healthier, but this is an exception...). I want to be the kind of person who keeps her commitments. The kind of person others can depend on and trust. The kind of person I can depend on and trust: to not have the little door at the back of my mind that lets me think, "well, if I get in too far, I can always pull out."

I am not trying to say that there are never times when we just can't or don't make it, or when we get sick, or when we realize a new bend in the road pulls us off of one path and onto another. But, I think we have a responsibility (to ourselves, to each other, to God) to set the example for the rest of the world on what it really means to be committed. Committed to family. Committed to serving others. Committed to working hard. Committed to being self-reliant. Committed to truth. Committed to becoming better.

Today, as I was struggling to not be tired or grouchy at school (I haven't been sleeping well the last few days), I kept thinking about my commitment at the beginning of the year to love my students, to love what I am teaching, and to give everything I have to help my students be better and more thoughtful people, and I kept thinking how easy it would be to stop caring. But it's not the kind of person I want to be. I want to keep going up that hill even when my legs burn. I want to have the faith and determination to not look back. I'm not there yet. I squint up at the Lord too often and ask "really? Are you sure?" rather than staying the course.

Really being committed means taking those steps in the dark. It means getting my feet wet even when the Jordan River hasn't yet parted. It means laying aside my own selfishness and uncertainty and being willing to work. It's a beautiful thing. I am glad that even while people stop trusting each other, the Lord doesn't stop trusting us. That's something that's worth living up to.