10 days...

and counting....

There is a balm in Gilead

Hmmm. I just read about another small airplane crash. That makes three. The first hit me hardest because it was people I know. Three men from my ward in Blanding. Good men. With good wives whom I worked with and loved. Woman left alone with small children. The second was Friday--a team of dermatologists from here in Cedar. They were in Moab and incidentally one of the patients they went to see was Mark, my future father-in-law. Jeremy had just gone into their office on Thursday, the day before it happened, to have a mole removed, and I needed to set up an appointment for sometime next month. Ten people were killed. Again leaving spouses, unborn children, fiances, children, and grandchildren.

It just makes me hurt. So many. So suddenly and unexpectedly. And it also makes me remember and be grateful that I know there is a plan. A bigger plan than just this life. There is more to just getting up in the morning and going to work or school or whatever. There is more than just what we see. I know there is a loving Father in Heaven who has given us this time, these precious years, to learn to be like him. He allows us opportunities to love and to hurt, to rejoice and to sorrow, to look outside our own spheres and to lose ourselves in the lives of other people. I know that He knows us and loves us individually.

When I was a little girl I would think about how much God must love other people. I would think about the man riding his gondola in Vienna. I would think about the family in the remote reaches of China or Mongolia. And I knew instinctively that He loved them. It took me a while to realize that He could love me and know me just as purely. I have always been grateful that I made those discoveries in that order--that I first saw the love God has for those around me, and second the love he has for me. I try hard to keep seeing it that way. And when I find myself being far too selfish, I remember in my mind's eye my childhood image of the man in Vienna or the family in China, or the homeless woman in South America. I know that God has a purpose and a plan for all of us. Not just me.

And I know that no matter what pain or hurt or loss or sorrow we feel, that we are not alone. I know that such hard things are part of the refiner's fire of this life. We cannot receive a fullness of joy someday without experiencing--even for a moment--just the opposite. But I am grateful that in His infinite and eternal wisdom He put us here together. The real test comes in our ability to reach out to others while even in our deepest trouble or pain. It's not about me. It's not about what I want or need or wish for--it is always about seeking to fill the other person's need first. Therein do we find rest from our own hurt and pain.

It is easy, somehow for me to forget this. And then when something happens where the suffering of someone else is so obvious--as in the cases of these three tragic plane accidents--I am reminded to forget anything I might be worried about or stressing over or struggling with. My troubles are not so bad nor so heart-breaking. And it helps me to remember that I should not just be looking to help someone with the obvious pains and struggles--but with the hidden ones. How many people around me are hurting? How many people do I know who need a hug or a phone call or a friendly comment on their blog? How many of my neighbors need a friend or a listening ear? I cannot grow, I cannot change, I cannot receive a fullness of joy until I seek them out and seek to bring them relief.

Is anyone else...

...as scandalously addicted to these as I am?? I have stopped counting how many I eat in a day. I just don't want to know.

Life in the big city

Cedar City that is.

Two weeks ago we loaded up all our Blanding belongings into a big U-haul and made the trek to the "other side" of the state. We hardly were here a day or two before we headed down to California for some family time and a fantastic shower put on by my ward. Then, last week, we got back to Cedar and got serious about getting things out of boxes and setting up our soon to be new lives in the new apartment. (For now it's just my apartment while Jeremy bums off his sister, Jeanine--shout out to the incredible generocity of Nick and Jeanine--and I live here until we get married September sixth.) 18 days, folks.

Thursday last week my mom and Paige drove into town to help bring shower gifts and a desk from home, to see the new apartment, go to Sound of Music at the Tuacahn theater (it was fantastic), and to make new couch covers for our built in couches. For all you wondering just what a built in couch could be... let me tell you they are pretty great when covered by material bought for just $3.00 a yard and sewed by Mom.

The old...

and VIOLA! the new... Last week was also the start of my new Adult Ed job. I don't quite know what to say about it yet as I am still definitely learning the ropes. I did teach my first ESL class today... and it worked! I get to speak lots and lots of Spanish, which is definitely my favorite part. I also work with some very funny people, so it looks like if all else fails, we will have fun! Hopefully, however, lots of people get their GEDs and high school diplomas (you can do that in Utah without going to high school) and learn lots of English :).

ps. We are still working on getting internet. In the meantime my posts might be a little fewer and farther between... but I promise I have not forgotten you!

Long overdue

When I was little girl I loved having two older sisters. Even though we are only three years apart, I always thought Sara was so old. She was always the first to do everything. The first to go to middle school, the first to go to high school, the first to drive, to go to prom, to have a curfew. I used think I couldn't wait until I was as old as Sara was. Looking back I think it was hard for her to always be the first--to tread on the unchartered water over and over again--but also very fun. She was the leader of the pack. Everything she did, I wanted to do too.

Growing up Sara was always the neat one. Being the oldest, she eventually got her own room. She always knew if we had been in her room because a pen would be moved or a paper out of place. She was so clean, we couldn't get away with anything. I have always loved that about her. She was always older and wiser and I wanted to understand her so I would sneak in her room and look at all her pretty things in their perfect places. I must have been an obnoxious little sister--sorry, Sara!

I remember when Sara and I first started becoming friends after the all the somewhat inevitable older sister/younger sister squabbles of the teenage years. She had borrowed a shirt and left me a note on my bed to tell me. She hadn't borrowed much of my clothes up to that point and so it was new twist in our relationship. She explained that she would get it back to me when she was through and that she was glad of our newly developing friendship. I still have the note. It was the beginning of something great.

It's funny for me to look back and remember that we went through those years when we weren't the kind of friends we are now. I consider Sara one of my best friends. She is the kind of person who would (and does) do anything for me. She is open and trusting, thoughtful and considerate. Ever since I went away to college, she has been good at sending me notes and postcards and homemade cards in the mail to remind me I'm not alone even when I'm far from home. She has a way of picking out the perfect gift for a birthday or Christmas present. She calls and leaves the best messages on my phone. Usually her messages are so long that it's like she's chatting with me. I always find myself talking back to her before I remember it's just a message, and I can't wait to call her back and actually talk to her.

It's no wonder that Sara has always been good with children. When she was in college she started nannying or babysitting for a family. She had a way of standing her ground while still making those kids love her to pieces. It wasn't surprising to me that in college she majored in Child Development, nor that on graduation the hospital she was interning at turned her internship into a job in order to keep her. She is fun and funny--willing to dress up and laugh and do goofy things. But at the same time she is calm and soothing. She is the only one who can get Brayden to sleep after a busy and chaotic family gathering. She is favorite Aunt Sara because she plays and laughs and gets down on her hands and knees to see what Tanner's trucks or are up to. She will be a phenomenal mother.

Not only with kids is Sara fun, but with everyone. She just has a spark of adventure in her. She likes to play games, go on adventures, try new things. She has always been the one to have lots of friends from lots of places with whom she does lots of fun things.

And it works that way--always out with someone on some sort of adventure--because she is a good friend. She is thoughtful. She remembers important things going on in their lives and she asks about them or sends a gift or a card or an email. She is aware of what is going on in their lives and she remembers in their next conversation or in a card. She is so giving--of her things, of her time, of her love.

She and Stanford now live in Las Vegas where they have become the Torgerson Hotel. They are always keeping someone for the night who is on their way to California or heading out to Utah. Staying at their house is not only convenient, but fun! They always are ready to play games or watch a movie. Both she and Stanford are fantastic cooks and their is always something bubbling or brewing on the stove or in the oven to tide us over. They are generous with their couches and pantry and love. I am excited that we now live just 2.5 hours apart and the adventures are about to begin!

I have always felt that anyone who is friends with Sara is a lucky person. I am so grateful that she is mine--that we are sealed to each other forever.

And this week was her Birthday. I am long overdue in remembering it here, but I love you Sara!

Boating Adventures

Jeremy's parents, Mark and Debbie, have a little 1960's boat that has recently been revived. As a last Blanding adventure we went out on recapture lake (the pretty little stretch of water that you see as you're about to drive into Blanding). We had a few technical difficulties to start, but once we got going, it was smooth sailing.

Jeremy started out at the wheel until Debbie took over. Debbie was so fun to be out with! She loved every twist and turn. I wish we had captured some of here facial expressions :). I was as content as could be, sitting at the prow with my arm dangling in the splashing water or enjoying the scenery. I couldn't stop smiling--I loved every minute of it. We brought a little picnic and had a wonderful little afternoon adventure!