It snowed.

Bonefied snow on the ground. Snow coming down right now.

Good thing we're outta here in less than five hours.

Hello California sunshine, you are calling my name.

Hasta!

cj

Cali-for-ni-a

 (The Huntington Beach Pier)

So seriously I loved growing up in California. As a little girl I could (truthfully) not comprehend why ANYONE (including all my cousins) would possibly want to live farther inland than Huntington Beach. Really, a longer drive than 15 minutes to the ocean is just too far.

So pretty much I now live too far.

Who knows if I'll ever live in California again, but man I love that I have a permanent reason to visit: home.

Hip Hip Hooray for home!!

My little brother and his sweet fiance are getting themselves hitched just one week from today, and I am on pins and needles for it to be NOW. Goodness, I'm excited.

I have been planning, scheming, and dreaming about this trip from just about the day Blake pulled out the ring. And the best part is... we're going to be there a whole week. Longer actually. Jeremy has a conference for work in San Fransisco and is flying out of the good old Long Beach Airport while RayJ and I hang out at home.

Here's a (non comprehensive) list of things I want to do while there:

• Get my hair cut (my sweet mom offered to get it done for me. I haven't been to a real hair salon since before my mission. True story.)
• The Wedding Dinner (with all the fam. Bring it.)
• The Wedding day with all the wonderful festivities... temple ceremony, pictures (hooray for new clothes), hanging out, the reception. Ah, I just can't wait. Such a happy day it will be!)
• Hang out with my family (Sara and Stanford will be there all weekend long... Tasha and family will be in and out all week. Love it.)
• Go to the beach (prayers for good weather appreciated)
• Visit with Grandma Snowball
• Visit with Grandma Torgerson
• Goldenspoon? Anyone?
• M&L (best fabric shop on the planet, I dare say)
• Swing on California swings
• Watch movies (the sequel to Polly at the top of my list...)
• take naps
• Chill
• Help Paige study for her AP Am History test
• Go to the Carters store
• Hang out at the best Barnes and Nobles there is
• Maybe watch some Angels Baseball
• Read a book or two (or five)
• Play the piano
• Play with Tanner and Brayden and Chase and Maggie
• And just all-together enjoy being with family

Seriously I can't wait. Can you tell? Now if this week could just speed on by already!

Do not enter

Do you see the look of mischief in his eyes?

For a while we've talked about getting an extra long gate to span the space between our living room and our kitchen. Not that our apartment isn't small enough already. It's just that this boy can cause some serious havoc in the kitchen if I turn my back for a wee moment.

So today Jeremy got creative making a mini barricade with the kitchen chairs and chair cushions.

It was good times had by all as Raymond made progress breaking it down.

I tell you, this one's got a little sauce in him. I can't even imagine what life will be like when he can walk!

(Big yawn. Don't worry, Dude, nap time's coming.)

(Editor's comment: Sorry. I know none of these pictures are great. And that I've been a slacker blogger lately. Did I mention it's been cold this week? It took the life right out of me. Maybe next week will be better!) 

Providing in the Lord's Way

"Let us work for what we need. Let us be self-reliant and independent. Salvation can be obtained on no other principle.  Salvation is an individual matter, and we must work out our salvation, in temporal as well as spiritual things."  --Marion G. Romney, Ensign Nov. 1976

So many thoughts, not sure where to start.

We talk a decent amount about politics at our house (shocking on my part, since I used to have a hard time remembering to watch the news, quite predictable on Jeremy's part).  I am grateful for the things I am learning and becoming passionate about. I can finally tell, with surprising clarity, the difference between a democrat and a republican. And I can say with certainty why I am one over the other. It only took me 27 years to figure out.

Anyhow, much of my background on anything (including politics) always goes back to the principles of Welfare that simply put are an essential part of who I am and how I think. I was a Welfare missionary (for the church) and then taught the Welfare sisters for a year at the MTC. The doctrines of self reliance and caring for the poor and needy have tender (and permanent) places in my heart.

It scares me (big time) when I see the world (and specifically the American Government) overriding and flat out rejecting principles that have been revealed through modern prophets to be the Lord's way of taking care of the needs of his children. The Lord, in fact, is very clear about how He would have it done:

    I, the Lord, stretched out the heavens, and built the earth, my very handiwork; and all things therein are mine.

    And it is my purpose to provide for my saints, for all things are mine.

     But it must needs be done in mine own way; and behold this is the way that I, the Lord, have decreed to provide for my saints, that the poor shall be exalted, in that the rich are made low.

    For the earth is full, and there is enough and to spare; yea, I prepared all things, and have given unto the children of men to be agents unto themselves.

   Therefore, if any man shall take of the abundance which I have made, and impart not his portion, according to the law of my gospel, unto the poor and the needy, he shall, with the wicked, lift up his eyes in hell being in torment. --D&C 104:14-18 (emphasis added)

Those are some strong words. It is clear that the Lord wants us to have the things we need, to be provided for. He has created this earth, and he has enabled us to be "agents unto [our]sevles." In other words, he wants us to be self reliant. To use the blessings and talents and opportunities the Lord has given to us to take care of ourselves and our families. Spencer W. Kimball has said,

"No true Latter-day Saint, while physically or emotionally able will voluntarily shift the burden of his own or his family's well-being to someone else. So long as he can, under the inspiration of the Lord, and with his own labors, he will supply himself and his family with the spiritual and temporal necessities of life."

But becoming self-reliant through hard physical, mental, and spiritual effort is not meant to bless our families alone. The Lord is equally clear that we have what we have in order to share. That the poor shall be exalted.

It is not the government's job to take care of our neighbors, it's our job. As individual agents. It's not our job to judge how or why someone has come to "have not", but to live up to the doctrine taught by the First Presidency in 1936 when the Church's welfare system was established:

"Our primary purpose was to set up, in so far as it might be possible, a system under which the curse of idleness would be done away with, the evils of the dole abolished, and independence, industry, thrift, and self respect be once more established amongst our people.  The aim of the Church is to help the people help themselves.  Work is to be re-enthroned as the ruling principle in the lives of our Church membership."

That's a very different purpose than what might be heard today in the government sector about the aims of welfare. Giving without helping someone to be reestablish independence isn't really giving at all. It is demeaning and destructive.  Not only to those who have received the dole, but to each of us who may come to think that we are no longer responsible to help our neighbors since it has been forced upon the rich.

What a terrible calamity for the welfare of our nation.

I'll be honest, when I say I'm not sure what to do about it. Politically, I mean. I'm not sure how to reverse the tide of false welfare doctrine. But I know that 1. we need to have a sure knowledge of the "Lord's Way," (for a fantastic place to start, go here) and 2. we need to actively live those principles, and 3. we need to do whatever necessary for our voices to be heard. Even if in the long run it doesn't make a difference. We must defend and uphold the Lord's way of providing for his children. 

I feel like I didn't even scratch the surface here (although if you've made it to the end of this post, I'm sure you feel like I said plenty). 

But, thoughts? What are we going to do about it?

Will I remember?

 A few minutes ago I was kneeling next to the couch (where the computer was perched just out of Raymond's pounding reach), and I could hear Raymond laughing to himself as he pattered his way around the kitchen, stopping here or there to bang on a metal lid or pound a spatula against the floor with a splat. And I smiled.

He is perfect. Such a happy boy. So curious. So excited. I love his eager giggle as I crawl toward him on the floor, as the tickle monster. I love his little glance of defiance and excitment as he opens a cupboard he shouldn't get into. I love the way he snuggles his head into the crook of my elbow as I nurse him to dreamland--it's just about the only time he cuddles in any sort or fashion. I love the wild ruckus of bath time, the water everywhere. I love his perfect love for the Queen and King of his little kingdom, he has such adoring eyes. 

And sometimes I wonder, will I remember, in ten years, what it was like to be the mother of just one? To focus all my attention on his little wagging crawl around the house?  Will I possibly remember?

This week we successfully played "catch" as we threw the ball back and forth. He has a pretty good arm, actually. We're working on aim.

He also mastered the answer to the questions, "Where is your nose?" Is it possible that his little brain has wrapped itself around such a concept? His prompt dimpled finger to the tip of his nose is proof that somehow it has.

I hope I can still feel that little finger on the tip on my nose when I'm holding his grandchildren on my knee. I hope I will always remember the sweetness of sinking my lips into one of his soft jowled cheeks for a mama's kiss. I hope I will remember the way that one little tuft of hair (in his mini mullet) swings out into the softest of little curls after his afternoon nap. I hope I will remember the thrill in his eyes as he crawls into my lap to play patty cake. Or the somber observant expression in those same eyes as he watches someone new for a while before warming up into the social little fellow he is.

And I hope I always feel this overwhelming sense of gratitude at the stewardship that is mine, to love and teach and guide and protect this little Child of God. Oh how glad I am that he is mine.

Flashback: April by Marcia Masters

(Image. I seriously want to buy everything in her shop.)

I've posted this poem before. But by golly, the weather has decided to be April-ish enough the last few days to merit a repeat. I love spring! Sunshine and daffodils and buds on the trees. We are going on walks, playing in the grass, and swinging on swings. I think this poem perfectly captures the essence of spring:

It's lemonade, it's lemonade, it's daisy.
It's a roller-skating, scissor-griding day;
It's a gingham-waisted, chocolate flavored, lazy,
With the children flower-scattered at their play.

It's the sun like watermelons,
And the sidewalks overlaid
With a glaze of yellow yellow
Like a jar of marmalade.

It's the mower gently mowing,
And the stars like startled glass,
While the mower keeps on going
Through a waterfall of grass.

Then the rich magenta evening
Like a sauce upon the walk,
And the porches softly swinging
With a hammockful of talk.

It's the hobo at the corner
With his lilac-sniffing gait,
And the shy departing thunder
Of the fast departing skate.

It's lemonade, it's lemonade, it's April!
A water sprinkler, puddle winking time,
When a boy who peddles slowly, with a smile remote and holy,
Sells you April chocolate flavored for a dime.

Tomorrow

So tomorrow Jeremy and I are team teaching an Enrichment (ahem, Relief Society meeting) night for the singles ward we go to. We have as long as an hour. The topic is The Atonement (with liberty to take that wherever we choose).

Needless to say, I'm feeling a bit nervous, overwhelmed, and apprehensive. We've known about it for a few weeks. But that hasn't seemed to ease my uneasiness.

The thing is, it's not a Sunday School lesson or a fireside (both of which, I think, would be way less stressful). They would like it to be informal and discussion oriented. But I doubt anyone will have their scriptures. It's made it a little tricky to plan for, you know? 

In my preparations and studies, I was pulled toward the Mormon Messages that the church puts out periodically. I've watched this video in particular over and over again in the last few days. I love it. I hope, somehow, that we have something to say (in an hour!) that can be as meaningful as the few minutes of this video:



Yes, I'm planning on showing it (and perhaps a few others). If you think of it, say a little prayer for us to do ok (and to find a babysitter... which we haven't had success with yet)! Thanks.

Editors note: All went well! Why do I worry about these sorts of things so much? The video was the perfect way to start as it set the tone and opened people up for discussion. And the rest went off without a hitch.  Oh, and we found a babysitter (BIG THANKS to those who volunteered via the comments. You rock). 

Thoughts

I have a stack on quotes on my desk. They are weathered and worn (some chewed by Raymond even). I shuffle through them pretty regularly and love each one for different reasons. Today I thought I would share them with you:

"Motherhood consists of three principal attributes or qualities: namely, 1. the power to bear, 2. the ability to rear, 3. the gift to love..."
--President David O. McKay

"To be poor in spirit is to feel yourlself as the spiritually needy, ever dependent upon the Lord for your clothes and your food and the air you breathe, your health, your life; realizing that no day should pass without fervent prayer of thanksgiving, for guidance and forgiveness and strength sufficient for each day's need."
(I didn't write a name on this one... I think it was Neal A. Maxwell)

"Mothers are given the sacred privilege to 'bear the souls of men; for herein is the work of [the] Father conitinued, that he may be glorified.'" (D&C 132:63)
--President Howard W. Hunter

"How precious a thing is a baby. How wonderful a thing is a child. What a marvelous thing is a family. ... When all is said and done, this is what the gospel is about."
--President Gordon B. Hinckley (May 1998 Ensign)

"For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
--2 Tim. 1:7

"One's life ... cannot by both faith-filled and stress-free. ... Therefore, how can you and I really expect to glide naively through life, as if to say, "Lord, give me experience, but not grief, not sorrow, not pain, not opposition, not betrayal, and certainly not to be forsaken. Keep from me, Lord, all the experiences which made Thee what Thou art! Then let me come and dwell with Thee and fully share thy joy' ... Real faith is required to endure this necessary but painful developmental process."
--Elder Neal A. Maxwell (May 1991 Ensign)

"I do not believe sheer suffering teaches. If suffering alone taught, all the world would be wise, since everyone suffers. To suffering must be added mourning, understanding, patience, love, openness, and the willingness to remain vulnerable."
--Anne Morrow Lindbergh, Gift from the Sea

Five things that are making me happy

This week I've been in something of a funk. Nothing big... just, you know, not in the mood to take a shower (don't worry, I overcame). When times such as these come my way, I'm convinced a dose of gratitude always does the trick. Here's my list for the week:

1. The wonder of ceiling fans. Nothing cuter than a little man laying belly down on the carpet with his neck cranked to watch those spokes go round and round.
2. Wedding announcements magnetized to my fridge. Ah the beauty of new love. Makes my heart happy.
3. Corn packs. A few years ago my mom made mass quantities of corn packs (you know, the ones you heat in the microwave and snuggle with on long winter spring nights?). I don't think I could live without mine. 
4. The internet. Keeps a stir-crazy mama at bay.
5. Living prophets. Really, I think Conference was made for me this time around. Perhaps moreso than ever before. That's saying a lot.
6. Oh, and for an extra: my parents coming to see us tomorrow. I've been counting the days! Less than one to go...

So anyway, life is good around these parts. Even if I wish it were warm (or just less windy) enough to go for a walk. Or that Raymond's teeth would all make their debuts and leave nap-time in peace. But really, can't complain because I could make a list five times this long and still have things to be grateful for. Sometimes I think Thanksgiving should be in the spring. Its hard not to be grateful when new life is budding all around you, you know?

Happy Opening Day of Baseball!

(Ok, so technically it was yesterday... but today is the Angels opening day and they're the only team that really matters anyway.)

So if you didn't know, I grew up in a BASEBALL LOVING family. My dad played for BYU, then he married my mom who jumped on the bandwagon wholeheartedly (if you ask her at any time during baseball season what the Angels' stats are, she knows them ALL).  As a little girl I vividly remember going to my dad's softball games.

Then by the time Blake (the first boy in the family) was two, he had figured out how to change the channels on the TV to any sports show he could find, preferably baseball. My childhood was literally spent at the little league fields (hours and hours. I begged for the sour licorice). Both Blake and Chad played from the time they were five through high school. And Blake still plays for BYU (although he had Tommy John surgery last summer and is red-shirting this season... can't wait for him to jump back in next season though!).

And honestly, I don't think there are many better things than sitting at a game on a perfect spring day, the smell of hot dogs in the air, the crack of the bat, the cheers of the crowd, the seventh inning stretch looming before you... Ah, baseball. I love it.

So today we will be eating hot dogs for dinner, texting my mom periodically to hear how the Angels are doing, and maybe watching BYU's game via byutv. Good times.

To cut or not to cut

 (Can you see the indecision all over my face? Oh, and pretty much this ponytail is what my hair looks like most days)

I cut my hair short right before my mission... and HATED it. I wanted it shoulder length, and got chin length instead. It took me a long time to get over it (have I yet?). I vowed, at the time, that I would never go that short again. I thought it made my face look too round. I thought it was annoying to not be able to pull it all back. I thought the hairdresser should have realized curly hair drys much shorter than you would think while wet.

Anyhow, despite my vows to never go chin-length again, I every now and again want to go just a little shorter. Because seriously my hair is LONG. I've pretty much been growing it out since that tearful day right before entering the MTC. But, man, it is SO LONG. Last summer (right before I got married) I cut off about five inches (without tellign Jeremy ahead of time) and found out my husband really likes my hair long. Really. But not matter how much I debate back and forth, and can never come up with an answer. So I want your advice. Here are my pros and cons to cutting my hair about six inches:

Pro: My hair is curly. Shorter hair is curlier hair. (Is it?) I love doing my hair curly and don't as much when it's as long as it is (because it just turns to frizz).

Con: Jeremy LOVES my hair this long. Loves it. Have I mentioned how much he loves it? He gives me the frowny face when I talk about cutting it. Now I maybe I shouldn't care, but I do.

Pro: The shorter my hair is, the easier it is. It dries faster. It does more things. It takes way less time. I'm all about spending as little time as possible on my hair.

Con: I have always loved long hair. I love having it myself. I love it on other people (not that I don't like short hair too). When I was little and read lots of fairy tales, I always imagined I would have long long hair falling down to my feet someday. I'm (almost) living the dream. Why would I give that up?

Pro: It takes less product when it's shorter. I don't even want to tell you how fast I can go through a bottle of conditioner. Fast. Thus: shorter hair is cheaper.

Con: I'm always sad when I cut my hair. You know, after the fact. I almost always regret it. And then I immediately start growing it out again.

Pro: It has more body, versatility, and curl. I miss doing my hair curly every day. I dream about getting a perm someday and having really curly hair. I love love love curly hair. I wish I had more.

Con: I always think my hair will be a lot curlier when it's shorter, but it's not. My hair just isn't as curly as I wish it was. Cutting it would necessarily solve the problem.

Pro: Less work (have I mentioned this?). Way less work. Shorter hair is just easier for me. Hands down.

Con: I always told myself I wouldn't start having kids and chop all my hair off. Is cutting it just giving in to "mom hair"? I don't know. (Don't get me wrong: I LOVE short hair on lots of other people!)

Do you see my dilemma? Can you tell I'm totally indecisive about it?  I NEED YOUR HELP. What do you think??

(Disclaimer: I have a while to think about this. On rule, I cut my hair every three months. I'm not due for a hair cut (ahem, trim) until June, technically. Yes, that means I did go get some cut off just two or three weeks ago. A whole two inches! That's more than I've cut since the summer before the wedding!)

Easter and Conference

(My little Easter display atop the bookshelf. Didn't my chickee turn out cute?)

For some reason, I really love when General Conference falls on Easter weekend. (Maybe my mind will change when I have a few more little ones running around... but for now, it's my favorite.).  There are often more talks focusing on the meaning of Easter (it's like the Christmas devotional, times ten, you know?).  The weekend is more relaxed: staying home, munching on chocolate and jelly beans while sitting in front of the computer (in our case, since we're sans TV).  Good amounts of sugar. Spiritual upliftment and enlightenment. Doesn't get much better.

Since this coming weekend is another first with our little Raymond (don't you just love the first year with your first child? So fun!), we've been talking about what Easter traditions we want to implement with our little family. We both grew up with lots of Easter traditions--some similar, some pretty different.

Jeremy's family grew up doing the Easter egg and basket type traditions on Saturday (we did the baskets on Sunday). We never really did any sort of egg hunt (whereas they always went into the canyon and raced jelly beans and did an egg hunt with fun prizes). They didn't find Easter baskets... but rather the candy was strewn all over the living room to be collected and divied up (we definitely went basket hunting. And we definitely ate ham and cheese potatoes at Grandma Snowballs house.)

I don't know (really) how much we'll do of anything since Raymond is still too young for all of it (although, don't worry, we'll dye eggs (LOVE them) and definitely be eating us some sugar this weekend). But as it snowed about a foot last night (where did that come from??)... there will be no outdoor hunts around here. At least I can wear something as bight and spring-y as I want... and just crank up the heat since there will be no reason to leave the house!

But since it's conference, it's bound to be a great weekend no matter how we celebrate it with all the superficial stuff.

(Oh, and for all you conference watchers with little ones... have you seen the children's activities the church put out? A few computer activities to get them geared up for the weekend, and some things to do while watching. Awesome.)

I hope you have a bright and beautiful Eastery weekend!

love,

cj