Carry on!

This morning Jeremy's alarm pulled me dramatically out of a dream (nightmare?) in which I was in labor. Two months early.

I must say, that while I am excited, thrilled, and eager for the little lady to make her grand debut... pretty please, I don't want it two months early.

I'M NOT READY YET.

Exclamation point.

Most days lately I have to hold off the creeping feeling of panic that wants oh so badly to surface.  There is so much to do! Can I get it all done??

Of course I can. One calm creative day at a time, right? Just keep plugging away. Even while the projects pile higher and higher. It's going to be ok. I'm not sure if my To Do lists help to calm me down or feed the panic.

Either way they are getting longer not shorter. Alas.

Yesterday, for example, was the third rainy day in a row. Raymond, bless his sweet heart, had chattering teeth during both breakfast and lunch.  Fall rain brought chilly weather (hooray for fall!).  Don't worry, I did succumb and turn on the heater for a few warm minutes as a temporary fix. And then I got to work.

You see, the boy doesn't have many (any?) long sleeved shirts. Warm PJs? Yes. Shirts to wear all day? No. He does have a jacket, but manages to wiggle out of it far too fast. Since we are a one-car family and running to Wal-Mart wasn't an option, I decided to make some. I took one of his PJ shirts (that fits great, although a little short) and made a pattern (a la Dana's directions). Then I dug in our closet and found some old shirts that never see the light of day anymore. Because re-purposing is the thing these days, no? Yes.

For my first attempt, it didn't turn out half bad. I did fix the neck after he went to bed, however (hello baggy boat-neck), and made another in grey. Today I'm going to make more pajama pants (the boy is a heavy night wetter... he soaks through disposables, double stuffed cloth diapers, you name it) and shirts today. They were shockingly easy (for raglan shirt or dress directions, see this tutorial over at ikat bag).

And wala! New shirts for free. Free is my favorite price.

New additions to the To Do list: making flannel sheets (tutorial here). And the shirts and PJs of course.
Long time must-finish-now-for-peace-of-mind portions of the list:  finishing the small pocket diapers. I'm getting closer. I have 13 completely done, 4 just needing snaps put in, and seven needing elastic, top stitching, and snaps. I can do it!
Other fun project I accomplished this week: canning tomatoes! My mother-in-law brought over a BIG (laundry) basket of tomatoes from their garden. I spent all of Tuesday making tomato sauce. Thirteen and a half pints later my pantry is happy.(And so is my husband who doesn't like the store-bought stuff).
Confession: Because my To Do list is so ridiculously long and the panicky feeling is getting harder to curb, blogging has taken a backseat lately. Alas.
Goal: don't go into early labor. Shudder.

POST EDIT: Pictures of the PJs. I used a much-too-small, but oh-so-cute receiving blanket that I had never used much when Raymond was a baby. Of course there are things I will do differently next time... but for this time, I'm super happy with the result!!

The funny thing about summer

is that suddenly--just when you think you can't take the heat one more day--you wake up and have to snuggle under the covers because you're just a little (dare I say it?) cold.

And even though it's still hot most of the day, you find yourself putting on your pajama pants instead of capris at night (and being glad with the decision).

And suddenly it's ok to take a walk a little later in the morning (than 7am) because there's a breeze coming in from somewhere that takes just enough of the heat off.

Mmmm fall. Autumn. My favorite season of all. I can smell and taste and feel your stealthy approach. Our front door is open and we've set a place at the table just for you. So come on in!

Ready to Bust This Joint

Raymond has been waking up much closer to 6am of late (rather than his oh-so-late 6:30), and the routine has quickly become: get up, greet smiling, happy boy, change diaper, sit on the front steps and enjoy the only pleasant time of the whole stinkin-hot day.

6am folks. By 8am (at the very latest) the sun has come over the top of the house across the way and our apartment is a heat bath. I mean hot. Deathly hot. I want to die hot.

Ok, so I'm being melodramatic.

But let me just tell you it's hot. And our air conditioning units are only in the bedrooms (which does NOTHING for the living room or kitchen) and VERY expensive. Thus, we use fans. And let's be honest, they just blow the hot air into our faces. I can't decide if it's much better or not.

But there is a ray of hope on our horizon.

The sweet and refreshing mid-70s of Southern California. Where we will be by tomorrow night. Oh sweet California, we're coming!!  (Ok, and ALL my family... I'm excited to see you too!)

I'm even (call me crazy) looking forward to the trip because it means I'll be in an air-conditioned car the whole time. I've stooped that low. I just must not be made for 100 degree weather. Let me just say I have mentally crossed all the Arizona and Las Vegas Law schools off our list. Sorry folks.

I'm also looking forward to our drive so that I can stop worrying about what trip food to take. I just might have (I'm not kidding) lost sleep over this the last few days. Because, you see, we're on a tight food budget. And Jeremy is a big eat-while-driving driver. And it's a longish trip (7 hours without stops! The longest we've taken with Raymond yet). I have a meticulous menu planned that will hopefully keep us from buying neon gummy worms at gas stations and won't break the bank (I tell ya, I'm excited for the day those fall Pell Grants make it to the bank account and life isn't so stressful). Here's what I have planned:

• batch of no-bake cookies (yum)
• homemade wheat thins and sliced cheese  (I can muster the courage to turn on the oven)
• smashed chickpea salad sandwiches on pitas
• PB and J for RayJ
• bag of (store bought) pretzels (Raymond's favorites)
• a few yogurts for Jeremy and Raymond (yogurt makes me gag)
• bananas
• (maybe) some homemade chewy soft pretzels with cream cheese
• some leftover sunflower seeds from the last trip
• jolly ranchers (the trick to keeping me awake)
• bag of red vines (maybe) as they are a classic for road trips

I'm hoping I have all our bases covered with sweet, salty, filling, and munchy. Any other suggestions that fit the criteria of cheap, easy, and (semi) healthy?? What do you take to munch on road trips??

Five things that are making me happy

Life is so good, I tell you! It's been a good week (despite the rough weekend). Here are a handful of reasons why...

1. Everyday this week is in the low 80s. That's pretty much perfect in my book. Plus the breeze (not yesterday's wind) has been a nice cooling touch.
2. Today we are going to watch the Argentina v _____ (I don't even know) World Cup game today at my sister-in-law's house. I really like watching soccer. Jeremy really likes Argentina. We both really like Nick and Jeanine (and their cute kiddos). Fun is definitely in the making.
3. My cute Raymond has been all smiles lately. His little face is thinning out and he's just looking older to me... and I love every second of it. I've figured out the trick to keeping his temper tantrums a bay lately too... which makes for a happier home :).
4. Jeremy got to go to a Utah Senator's Election Debate last night (have I mentioned he's a mite interested in politics??) and talk with Mike Lee (his candidate of choice, also the son of Rex E. Lee) for a few minutes after... and he gave Jeremy his phone number with instructions to call him once he started applying to Law Schools (which is right around the corner). Jeremy came home excited and happy. I love seeing him happy.
5. I've actually been (somewhat) productive in the last week. I worked on Christmas presents on one night. I made a tiny new cloth diaper for new baby Christiansen (and have more in the works), and I've read a few handfuls of books.  Ah it feels good to get things done.

I'm one happy girl, I tell you. I just love this stage of life we are in. It has it's ups and downs, but it's such a good place to be.

I finally bought otter pops

on the day it rained and was cold. Go figure. After a week of 90+ heat and serious efforts to not turn on the meager (and expensive) air conditioning units in our apartment, Wal-Mart brand otter pops (SO much bigger and better than the name brand) were at the TOP of my grocery list. And you know, despite the pitter-patter on my windshield on the way to the store, I still bought them. Oh heaven in a little plastic container.

In fact, I'm eating one right now. At 8:21 in the morning.

And you know, it's a good thing I did because yesterday "morning sickness" came back on with a vengeance fearful to behold.  I was grateful for the little bits of sugar-water that managed to stay in my system.

And for a husband who was willing to do ALL the (many) dishes and play with Raymond and cut the tops off my otter pops.

He's a good man, I tell ya.

Speaking of the weather...

(doesn't it consume your life too?)

... today is GLORIOUS. Holy smoke-a-rooskies. Wish you were here and able to bask in the Cedar sunshine-y-ness with us. Wow.

So when I was little (as I've mentioned before), I LOVED being a Californian. Loved the weather. Loved the beach. Loved the fog in the mornings and blue skies at noon. Loved not wearing winter coats. Loved it all.

And then I grew up (of sorts) and moved to the lush land of Provo, Utah. And I feel in love all over again. Daffodils aren't only sold in stores?! They actually poke their little heads up all over town? And trees blossom for real? And snow?! Goodness, I'd never really had a face to face interaction with Mr. Snowman before. I found we were friends! I learned to love seasons with a passion I didn't know was in me.

And I vowed to always live in a place with seasons. All four of them in all their glory. Because my children, I decided, needed to experience this passion.

And then I lived in Honduras for a while. I was in smack dab middle of the country in the mountains. No beach front humidity there (there were pine trees growing next to banana trees, I kid you not). Yes it was definitely a bit more moist that Utah, but I didn't gag water in my sleep.  But it was HOT. Oh so hot. And I fell head over heals in love with that hot Honduran sunshine (and inevitable breezes). I only endured the cold and rainy days--preferring to bask in my own sweat than the drip drop of the skies. (I'm being serious.)

And then I moved back to Utah and pulled all those warm wool sweaters from their hiding places and remembered the thrill of changing leaves, snowmen, and daffodils. And I questioned my sanity to love that Honduran heat so intensely. My first few winters back didn't feel long enough or cold enough or snowy enough. I fell back in love with seasons like never before.

But a strange thing happened this last winter.

It wasn't the same as my previous Utah winters. This time around (like never before) I was not at liberty to romp roam in the winter-ness. And it was because I actually had a child. And since I didn't want him getting sick (oh and didn't really have a car available to me all that often or need to go walking), I didn't leave the house much. We went from daily summer/fall walks to homebound coldness. And suddenly winter wasn't all that glamorous.

If it's too cold to go for a walk for four months straight, it's too cold.

And so I'm left with a great big I DON'T KNOW when it comes to what I want or envision for myself when it comes to settling down in life. (You know, as far as where and what kind of weather)

Good thing we'll be applying to 12-15 law schools all (and I mean ALL) over the country and we don't have to make the decision quite yet. But, humph. I feel like I should really want to live somewhere specific

(other than Virginia. I'll always want to live in Virginia. I just don't know if that's realistic yet).

So who knew weather could be so all-consuming? Who knew I cared or thought about it this much.

Dry Bones

Last year for Paige's birthday I gave her a handmade fabric envelope as a place to put the letters I promised to write her each week for her 16th year. It was a way to keep in touch even though I don't live close enough to come home as much as I would like.

I actually did pretty good writing her each week (most of the year... right around Raymond's birth was rough, and I kind of slacked off at the end), but I'm not so sure my letters were all that entertaining, you know?

She heard a lot about the weather, the latest book I'd read, the weather, talks I was preparing, the weather, pregnancy and then Raymond, oh, and the weather. Every now and again I might have been funny or insightful.

Seriously in every letter I guarantee there was at least a comment (if not a paragraph) about the weather. The hot, the cold, the new daffodils, the falling leaves. She got it all. The play by play of Cedar City weather.

I'm sure she loved it.

But you know how sometimes that feels like the most important thing going on? And even if it's not, it somehow influences and matters to every other little thing in life?

So for your reading enjoyment, today was sunshine and breezy in the morning, turned to windy in the afternoon. Wind is a usual here in Cedar.  The singles ward folk are flying kites tonight for FHE--good plan.

I'll take any sort of wind though if it includes sunshine and heat hot enough to leave the door open (despite the breeze).

So today was a good day. And yours?

It snowed.

Bonefied snow on the ground. Snow coming down right now.

Good thing we're outta here in less than five hours.

Hello California sunshine, you are calling my name.

Hasta!

cj

Cali-for-ni-a

 (The Huntington Beach Pier)

So seriously I loved growing up in California. As a little girl I could (truthfully) not comprehend why ANYONE (including all my cousins) would possibly want to live farther inland than Huntington Beach. Really, a longer drive than 15 minutes to the ocean is just too far.

So pretty much I now live too far.

Who knows if I'll ever live in California again, but man I love that I have a permanent reason to visit: home.

Hip Hip Hooray for home!!

My little brother and his sweet fiance are getting themselves hitched just one week from today, and I am on pins and needles for it to be NOW. Goodness, I'm excited.

I have been planning, scheming, and dreaming about this trip from just about the day Blake pulled out the ring. And the best part is... we're going to be there a whole week. Longer actually. Jeremy has a conference for work in San Fransisco and is flying out of the good old Long Beach Airport while RayJ and I hang out at home.

Here's a (non comprehensive) list of things I want to do while there:

• Get my hair cut (my sweet mom offered to get it done for me. I haven't been to a real hair salon since before my mission. True story.)
• The Wedding Dinner (with all the fam. Bring it.)
• The Wedding day with all the wonderful festivities... temple ceremony, pictures (hooray for new clothes), hanging out, the reception. Ah, I just can't wait. Such a happy day it will be!)
• Hang out with my family (Sara and Stanford will be there all weekend long... Tasha and family will be in and out all week. Love it.)
• Go to the beach (prayers for good weather appreciated)
• Visit with Grandma Snowball
• Visit with Grandma Torgerson
• Goldenspoon? Anyone?
• M&L (best fabric shop on the planet, I dare say)
• Swing on California swings
• Watch movies (the sequel to Polly at the top of my list...)
• take naps
• Chill
• Help Paige study for her AP Am History test
• Go to the Carters store
• Hang out at the best Barnes and Nobles there is
• Maybe watch some Angels Baseball
• Read a book or two (or five)
• Play the piano
• Play with Tanner and Brayden and Chase and Maggie
• And just all-together enjoy being with family

Seriously I can't wait. Can you tell? Now if this week could just speed on by already!

Flashback: April by Marcia Masters

(Image. I seriously want to buy everything in her shop.)

I've posted this poem before. But by golly, the weather has decided to be April-ish enough the last few days to merit a repeat. I love spring! Sunshine and daffodils and buds on the trees. We are going on walks, playing in the grass, and swinging on swings. I think this poem perfectly captures the essence of spring:

It's lemonade, it's lemonade, it's daisy.
It's a roller-skating, scissor-griding day;
It's a gingham-waisted, chocolate flavored, lazy,
With the children flower-scattered at their play.

It's the sun like watermelons,
And the sidewalks overlaid
With a glaze of yellow yellow
Like a jar of marmalade.

It's the mower gently mowing,
And the stars like startled glass,
While the mower keeps on going
Through a waterfall of grass.

Then the rich magenta evening
Like a sauce upon the walk,
And the porches softly swinging
With a hammockful of talk.

It's the hobo at the corner
With his lilac-sniffing gait,
And the shy departing thunder
Of the fast departing skate.

It's lemonade, it's lemonade, it's April!
A water sprinkler, puddle winking time,
When a boy who peddles slowly, with a smile remote and holy,
Sells you April chocolate flavored for a dime.

Gracious beans

Well, this is my first time ever trying to put a video on my blog. Goodness gracious beans, I could look at these sweet chubby hands clapping all day long! So darling.




In addition, here are a few snapshots from our family walk a few days ago. We love family walks. So refreshing. It was a might chillier than we hoped, so the extra red blanket on Raymond was intended to block the breeze a little.We don't mind the chill too much when it means we get some fresh air!

My happy boy. He loves to laugh... and we love to hear it!

I sure love my men-folk.

Too bad I've had a cold all week and just want to go to bed early rather than do much of anything productive. Hopefully I'll be better by Saturday and we'll be able to go on another family walk. Seriously we try to go every weekend. Fun times :)

Trees

 (image from here)

I love trees. Love them.  It didn't really happen until I moved to Utah and witnessed first-hand their beauty as they change with the seasons and climates.  I remember, in fact, the first tree I feel in love with. It was (is?) along the walkway of the Jesse Knight (Humanities) Building on BYU campus. Living in Helaman Halls at the bottom of the hill, I walked past that tree often on my way to and from campus my first year at college.

I still don't even know what kind of tree it is (growing up in Southern California didn't prove many opportunities for tree observing, and somehow I've still never mastered the skill of learning their names), but it is enormous.  It's long, knarled arms twist their way heavenward in defiance of gravity itself.  All that year I gloried in that tree. I loved it's shade in the early days of fall, and then I smothered a smile as it's red and orange leaves crunched beneath my feet during autumn. I loved it's mighty silhouette during the long cold winter months--reaching, stretching, climbing ever heavenward, like the soul of a man struggling in mighty prayer. And oh how I loved it in the spring with its brilliant neon green leaves, eager and ready for life.

I have tried on many occasions to write a poem about trees, but to no avail. I cannot seem to simplify the enormity of their majesty in mere words. Even poetic words. They symbolize too much for me--of life, of what it means to become even as God and Jesus Christ, of joy and beauty, of all that is good. (You see? Even here my attempts sounds silly and trite.)

I know, you probably think I'm a little crazy. After all, they're only trees. But oh, in other ways, they seem the very breath of life. I hope with all my heart that someday my house is surrounded by trees. A little wood in the backyard where my little ones can ramble. Jeremy laughs at me when I say these types of things (he aspires to city dwelling), but I'm serious. That little "house of dreams" that I drew pictures of as a little girl had a white picket fence, red shutters, and trees. Sigh. A girl can dream, right?

Swingtime... almost springtime!

The weather has been nicer the past week or so, and so Raymond and I have taken up daily(ish) walks again. Oh how we missed the sweet outdoors during the long chilly months past.  So long. So chilly.

I know (in my heart of hearts) that springtime isn't really here. But for a few day's we've liked to pretend it's on it's way. Of course I still had to bundle Raymond up... but the snow melted enough, and the ground firmed up enough (sort of) under the swings for him to take a little ride.

He still loves it as much as ever.

I'm telling you, I'm convinced the world would be a better place if everyone had a pair of cheeks like these to kiss everyday. Mmmm.

So much going on, so little to say

Seriously, has it almost been a week since I last posted? Goodness. It's not for lack of excitement around these parts, that's for sure.

Valentine's are underway (although I hate to say it, but I'm only semi- in the mood this year. Can't seem to get motivated enough to finish and mail them. Maybe it's because I haven't bought any conversations hearts yet. That must be it.)

Cloth diapers are causing a fiasco around these parts (the store I bought them from a week and half ago was actually closed. Who know? Not me, obviously. Thank goodness for pay pal and getting a refund. It's just now left me in a debate over which brand to buy (all over again) as I can't get the kind I want as cheap anywhere else. I've starting looking (seriously) into making them myself. It would get me over my fear of sewing with elastic, that's for sure. But going in I would have to buy a snap press and supplies (about $115) (and NO, I'm just not willing to do velcro, no matter how much cheaper it would be) and the fabric is actually pretty pricey, plus the time it would take to make them all. The next batch wouldn't be much cheaper than buying them. But then the next size up (or down for a newborn) would. Sigh. Decisions decisions.

A beautiful fog rolled in last night. We love the fog around here. There is something almost edible about it. Mmmm.

Oh yeah, the LSAT happened. We'll see how it went. The next test is in June and well, it's always an option. Although, he does feel pretty good about it (usually) and hopes he won't have to go that route.

Um, lets see. And Raymond is still pretty much about the best (and cutest) thing that ever happened around these parts. His favorite thing to do lately is read books (makes my English Teacher heart melt). The funny thing is, he's pretty picky. He only likes about 2/3 of his books (and we don't have that many). He'll turn his head and refuse to turn teh pages and crawl off my lap if I try to read him a book he doesn't approve of. Pretty much I've read Polar Bear Polar Bear, What Do You Hear? more times than I can count.

Alright, that's all for now folks. Maybe some (Valentine's) brownies will grace this house later today. All I want is chocolate this week (but somehow feel it is more justified than other weeks, don't you agree?)

Hasta

cj

Welcome October!

photo from here.

I know I'm a day late, but I just can't tell you how happy it makes me that October has arrived! Welcome pumpkins and wool sweaters and changing leaves!

I have always loved October. The fact that it starts with General Conference makes it eagerly anticipated weeks ahead. And then a week or so later is my birthday (and I love birthdays). And then the fall leaves start swirling (and sometimes the snow). My wool sweaters have been pulled out of hiding. The warmer quilt has been reinstated on our bed. Our morning walk has become an afternoon walk (during the warmer part of the day). And candy corns fill the grocery store aisles.

Does it get much better? I just don't know.

Autumn

I fall into fall
dripping from the summer sun
ready for the crunch
of raked leaves
a kaleidoscope of reds
and muddy prints
after a chilly downpour
turning to snow