On reading

This afternoon a friend from a few doors down showed up on my doorstep wanting to borrow a book. She'd never been to my house to know that I have a few bookshelves. We'd never even talked books before. She just had a hunch that this might be a good place to start.

Do my heart good.

I'm sure my eyes lit up with anticipation of sending her home with something good to read.

The past four months or so I have been a reading manic. Since my sewing machine is in the shop (my mom has loaned me an old machine of hers... but it isn't the same), and my alone time is minimal at best, I've found that there's nothing better than a good book these days.

I nurse and read while Raymond explores (and tears apart) the house. Or he reads a book of his own on the couch (seriously darling). We all lay on our bellies on the floor with a book (or toy) at hand. When the babelins are finally sleeping at night, I curl up on the couch and read and read and read.

And so pass the days.

I have always been an avid re-reader. I honestly don't remember what happened in a book just weeks after finishing it. (Contrasting with my dad who will remember minute details years after reading a book).

Most of the books I've read most recently are just ones I've picked up off my own shelves and decided to read again. To Kill a Mockingbird (heavens, how many times have I read that book?). The Emily of New Moon series (borrowed from Sara). The Chronicles of Narnia.

The funny thing is, I am often surprised by things I simply don't remember from a previous reading. Things are familiar and comfortable, but fresh. I love that about a well-loved and oft-read book. They are like old friends whom I haven't seen in a while. Somehow the conversation always is new, but the feeling the same.

Today I am grateful for:

1. Toys on the living room floor. Really I am. I love watching that little boy put his blocks in and out of the bag they came in. And then throwing them across the room. 
2. The fact that I only gained three pounds in the last four weeks. I was sure the amount of ice cream, brownies, and marshmallow maties I have eaten in the last week would have done more damage. Here's to a healthier week!
3. Kind words. A friend gave me a little thank you note (for nothing in particuar) on Sunday... and it's still making my day.
4. Living en route to Provo. It means we get to be a designated pitstop for family going back and forth to California. It's seriously the best.
5. Good books. I am reading The Yearling by Marjorie Kinnan Rawlings--a book I remember loving in my youth (but remember very little else about). The father and son have the most tender relationship. The simple beauty of their lives and their relationships is inspiring.
6. My pioneer heritage. Yesterday my dad brought me ALL of his family history stuff. I have been wanting to get my hands on it for a while--to make copies of the stories and start helping him weed through all the many (confusing) pedigree charts. I learned yesterday that Ann Roberts (my great-great-great-great grandmother had 15 children--five single births and five sets of twins (there is hope for me getting a set of twins someday!!). Her husband died when the oldest was 16 and she was three months pregnant with the last set of twins. Talk about a righteous and faithful woman.
7. The fact that Raymond's blood type is O Negative.There seems to be significant confusion about what my and Jeremy's blood types are (new tests are pending). And when you're pregnant, the Rh factor matters. But I have the feeling I should have gotten a RhoGAM shot while pregnant with Raymond, and didn't. It's just lucky that since (I think) I'm A negative and not positive, he also ended up having a negative Rh. Or it could have been fatal. Long (confusing) story. But I'm glad. What would I do without that little fellow?

And oh so much more. Life is good. I am happy.

I threw away two books today.

No, I'm not going to disclose which ones, but let's just say they've been on my shelves for a few years. Both were books I thoroughly enjoyed reading too. Great story lines, gripping characters, thought provoking themes.

(The English teaching, book loving, anti-banning part of me has been fighting this for a long time. A very long time. It's been a deep rooted internal struggle.)

They weren't bad books per se (in fact I'm guessing if I told you the titles a good number of you would say, really?? What's wrong with that book?). But every time I've thought about one of my children pulling them off the shelf and diving in, I knew I wouldn't want him to. And every time I've thought about rereading them myself (I'm a chronic rereader, if you didn't know), I've thought... well, that one part, or that one word (that resurfaces throughout) Eh. I shouldn't.

So today, all of a sudden I just went to my beloved bookshelves and took them off. And then put them promptly in the trash without looking back.

I am typically so opposed to banning books. But after thinking long and hard about it, I've decided that my selves should not have "not until you're older" books on them.(Well, I know there are some really outstanding books out there that my little charges just won't get until they're older, no matter how young they try. I'm not really talking about those books). It's just that I feel like having a book on my shelf is, essentially, a stamp of approval. It means I not only would allow it to be read, but I encourage it. Hmmm. I don't think the world would end of one of my kids sought out these two books someday off a library shelf and chose to read them. But I'm not going to move the process along by putting them in easy reach, you know what I mean?

And you know, I'm really pretty choosey about my movies (as in I stick with old movies, it seems like), but I haven't always been as choosey with my books. I think I need to change that. And these two didn't make the cut.

There is a hopeful little gap on the shelves waiting for something wonderful to come and fill it's place.

A Saturday morning list

of things I am grateful for:

1. A clean kitchen. Really, is there anything better? It never fails to make me smile when it's clean.
2. Raymond went back to bed this morning after waking up at 5:30am. Ususally if he wakes up this early, he's up. This morning I was able to coax him back to sleep. Hallelujah!
3. A full fridge and pantry. Feel free to see my two week menu here, as I will be posting it shortly. Yesterday Jeremy opened the fridge and asked, "Do you feel like Old Mother Hubbard when you look in here?" The answer: yes. I was able to go to the store last night after three weeks of just getting by, and I am Old Mother Hubbard no longer. Hooray!
4. Jeremy did our taxes yesterday. And we'll be getting a tax return again this year. Such things are always so unexpected and pleasant. I already have a (small) list compiled of things we will buy with it before putting the rest into savings (for those other big things, you know like law school applications, a car?!, summer tuition, baby #2 (just planning ahead, folks), etc.)
5. Raymond is already down for his morning nap and a shower and scripture study are next on my list. The two best ways to start the day. (And then I have a whole slew of projects to work on. Hooray for projects!)
6. Jeremy takes the LSAT in one week from today (prayers requested please). I have 100% confidence that his (super) hard work studying will pay off. Just one more week. The count down is on!
7. And because the LSAT is over in a week, we will celebrate by going out to dinner (a Christmas present from Nick and Jeanine--many thanks!). I LOVE going out to dinner. It doesn't happen too often around here, so when it does it's a big treat (which is why, I think, I love it so). I am counting down to our meal at Chilis just about as much as the LSAT being over. Just one week! So exciting!
8. I get to spend a week at home (in CA) in May. Starting with Blake and Whitney's wedding. Every time I think about it, I smile. I love being excited for trips!
9. I have been rereading some of the Anne of Green Gables books. I started at the end with Rilla of Ingleside (since I never read it when I went through the series last time), but haven't been able to stop! I'm working my way backward (and currently reading  Anne of Ingleside). We'll see how far I go.  But really, is there anything more refreshing and uplifting than Anne?

And the list goes on! Ah, the joys of a lazy Saturday morning.
I hope you have a lovely weekend!

cj

Five things that are making me happy

1. Another finished project. I made a sweet little Reverent Book for Raymond last week. It took every ounce of time I had... but I got it done before Sunday. I based it off of the Children's song We Are Reverent. It turned out just as I hoped. Pictures, perhaps, another day.
   
2. Today is a holiday. Oh how I love a good holiday (even if it doesn't change much around here.) I love the I Have a Dream Speech. I love Martin Luther King's beautiful (and even poetic) Letter from Birmingham Jail. I love good people who fight valiantly for what it right.
3. I love the lines from Wordsworth's Ode "But trailing clouds of glory do we come / From God, who is our home". When I look at my sweet, smiling baby boy, I can't help but see traces of heaven in his countenance. And I know that Marriage and Families are part of the most precious of all fruit that is the Gospel Plan. Oh how I joy in motherhood.
4. There is a 90% chance that it will snow before tomorrow morning. Snow makes everything beautiful even in the dead of winter.
5. I found a picture of my Grandpa Torgerson and I--taken the Sunday before I left on my mission. He is leaning in close to me and winking at the camera in his usual teasing fashion. I has been sitting on my end table (among a stack of mission pictures I want to organize and the program from my Grandpa Snowball's funeral) making me smile every time I see it. I have been blessed with a wonderful family.

And for good measure: a previously unpublished family picture taken over Thanksgiving. We are a happy family! 

Don't let the bed bugs bite

I must admit, sleep deprivation has been getting the better of us. Little Raymond has a sweet temperament. I can tell he wants to smile all the time. But he's just too plain worn out most of the time to do anything but fuss. And cry. And eat.

Particularly the problems manifest themselves at night. We've managed to settle ourselves into an unsettling routine. He goes to bed (at an unpredictable time between 6pm and 11pm). And then at that first waking (between 12am and 3am) we find ourselves on the couch... for the rest of the night. I am too tired to stay awake for a full nursing (remember, he's a slow little eater) and then a few hours later when we wake up, it's time to nurse again. It's turned itself into a perverse sort of co-sleeping with me in the upright position (talk about a kinked neck) and Raymond nestled into the boppy on my lap.

This has been going on for months, folks. We won't even go into the irregularity and brevity of his naps.

Last week, I decided it really needed to end. And soon. Since real co-sleeping (him in bed with us) is just not an option for us, I decided I needed some professional help to get us out of this mess. I started researching books on baby sleeping habits and made a little list of ones I hoped the library might have. Lucky for me (since the library didn't have any of them), my sister-in-law, Jeanine, had Healthy Sleeping Habits, Happy Baby. Goodness! I've been reading like a madwoman for a week now.

And I must say, Hallelujah!

While I don't want to jinx it, I just want to praise the fact that Raymond slept in his own little crib from 7:30pm to 6:30am with only a 45 minute feeding at 3:00am. And I woke up in my own bed this morning. Wow. I recognize that there is still much work to be done, and it's probably not always going to be such smooth sailing. But, wow. I recognize that it is my responsibility, even duty, to make sure he is getting the sleep he needs. Since I have been working so hard on helping him nap during the day (recognizing his sleepy signs and getting him to sleep before he's too fussy) and have established some going-to-sleep routines for day and night sleeping, he's perhaps going to sleep better at night. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I must say that I agree with Dr. Weissbluth that a well rested family is of utmost importance. So here's to sleep and the hope of more in the future!

The Road to Freedom

" Fuchs told me that the sunflowers were introduced by the Mormons; that at the time of the persecution, when they left Missouri and struck out into the wilderness to find a place where they could worship God in their own way, the members of the first exploring party, crossing the plains to Utah, scattered sunflower seed as they went. The next summer, when the long trains of wagons came through with all the women and children, they had the sunflower trail to follow. I believe that botanists do not confirm Fuch's story, but insist that the sunflower was native to those plains. Nevertheless, that legend has stuck in my mind, and the sunflower-bordered roads always seem to me the roads to freedom."
--My Antonia by Willa Cather.

And oh how I love them.

In my spare time...

I have acquired quite a bit of couch time as of late (read: slow eating nursing baby). So as not to become bored staring at the wall for 6-8 hours out of every 24, I have become a master at holding a book and flipping pages with one hand (I have also become a one-handed typing phenomenon... which is what I'm doing right now).

My latest genre of books has been of the WWII/Holocaust variety. I had a surprising amount just on my shelves:
Surprisingly enough, I had never read Night, despite it being on my "To Read" list (and my shelves) for quite some time. It is the memoir of a Polish Jew who is evacuated with his family and put in labor and concentration camps. Weisel does a beautiful job of pulling in the reader and making his experience come horrifyingly alive. It was sad to me, however, that his experience changed him from a fervent believer in God to a questioner.

Having read one holocaust book urged me to read a second. The Hidding Place is one of those books that gets quoted on occation in sacrament meeting and other such places. I had started it before, but did not get sucked in like I did this time. It is about a family--aging father and two unmarried daughters (in their 50s and 60s) in Denmark who become part of the underground railroad smuggling out Jews. And like Night, it is a true story. But such a contrast in how Corrie and Betsy (the sisters) handle the consequences of their actions compared to Weisel. I loved them from the beginning for their faith, determination, honesty, and goodness.

Much like The Hidding Place, In My Hands is about a resistance fighter rather than a Jew in a consentration camp. Irene Gut Opdyke was Polish and forced to work for the German Nazis who took over her country. Of all the books I read, this one was the most beautifully written. I loved the motifs, symbolism, and imagery.

I Will Plant You a Lilac Tree: a memoir of a Shindler's list surviver is about Laura Hillman's experience in labor and concentration camps before making it onto Schindler's list along with the Polish POW she had met and fallen in love with. While this book is not as beautifully or eloquently written as In My Hands, it is honest and real. Because my sister Sara knows the author, this story is horrifyingly real for me.

This is the first of my little series that is fiction. I read this book for the first time last year and loved it. I love the style, I love the frankness of the narrator (death), I love the characters, I love the imagery, I love the goodness in this story. This is about a make-shift German foster family who does not support Hitler in the middle of Nazi Germany. I was suprised my second time through how much language it had in it (although the vast majority is kept in German--which I don't speak--and doesn't seem to bother me as much as American swear words in print). I cried all the way through the end of this book again. When it was over, I wished there was more.

The Chosen is another book I have read before (many years ago) and remember loving. It is not as much about WWII--although it takes place during the war, only in America. It focuses on the friendship of an orthodox Hasidic Jew and a traditional Jew in New York. What I love about this book is the way it throws you in the middle of Jewish life and culture. And I love the depth and goodness of the characters. I wish I had the sequal, The Promise, but alas, I nor the SUU library seem to have it.

This is the only book left on my shelves in the WWII/holocaust genre. I started it... and I couldn't get into it (again). There something about Frankl's need to psyco-analyze the effect of the consentration camps that pushes me away. Not that I don't think what he's doing is valid, I just can't quite get pulled in yet. I feel kind of bad about it too, but what can you do?


Reading all of these books has made me think a lot about a lot of things. I think WWII pulled the absolute best and worst out of humanity. It is horrifying how brutal and cruel some were, and enobling and enabling to realize how courageous, kind, and good others were. Such a dichotomy.

It has made me reflect on why there is such suffering and the role God plays in our lives. Despite the many who lost their faith and their God because of their experiences, there were so many others who reaffirmed theirs. I am sure that God is not dead despite the millions who were killed. And I know that it was not his will that so much suffering and injustice occured. I am confident that justice will be served in the end.

I am sad to see my collection of this genre come to an end. Does anyone have any more suggestions for me? I feel somewhat at a loss for what to read next...