Still to no avail

I have not read a single page in over a week (maybe that's a lie, but it feels true). I think I want to cry. I think I want to scream. I think I want to finish thank you cards soon, or I will never be able to read again.


On a happier note, last night's onion roasted chicken was tasty (even if slightly undercooked) and I am looking forward to today's tomato soup and rolls.

And I do like getting a chance to write little notes to all the people I love and am so grateful to... I just miss my imaginary friends.

I lose

Sorry, folks. If you were wanting cruise pictures and Blanding wedding pictures, I am go ing to sorely disappoint you today. I just don't have them as of right now on this computer (yes, mine still is having internet woes). I will say that I loved every minute of being back in Blanding. I didn't realize just how much I had missed it until we were back into town. All day on Saturday I kept saying "I hope so-and-so comes. I hope so-and-so comes." My list of hopeful attendants was so long I finally gave up thinking about it. But so many did! It was wonderful to see everyone, to get to go to church on Sunday in my old ward, to drive around town with Paige (who soon discovered just why I love that little town so dearly). It was a wonderful weekend. Thank you to all who came. I love you more than I think you'll ever realize. I really do miss you.

Other than that, I thought I would do Jeanine's tag to list for you six insignificant details about my life. Some of these you may already know or gather from my previous postings.

1. I am a bad sleeper. I have been for about the past five years. I wake up all night long and roll over and try to get comfortable--usually to no avail.

2. Because I am a bad sleeper at night, I fall asleep all day long. In college I would be excited if I could make it through a single day without falling asleep in any classes. This was a rare feat. Yesterday I feel asleep in a meeting at work. It is super embarrassing. All of a sudden I will be sitting there and my head will start to nod and droop and before you know it, I'm out. Thank goodness I have good muscle control, however, and am usually still sitting upright (although, shout out to the boy in one of my Spanish classes in college who would always push me upright if I started to hang out into the aisle!)

3. I love to stir things. It is super relaxing to me. I love making carmels at Christmas time because I get to sit at the stove and do nothing but stir for at least 20 minutes. So if I am ever at your house at dinner time and you need a stirer, please pick me.

4. I guess I am somewhat of a neat freak. I don't like to think it's true--that I might fit that label, but I do like my house to be really neat. If there are piles of things (which there often are--even of my own making), I want them to be in neat piles.

5. You probably already know I am a book worm. But more than that, I start to go through withdrawls (perhaps the early signs of anxiety, I don't know) if I haven't finished a book in a while. For example, life has been pretty crazy this month so I haven't finished a book since right before the wedding. THREE WEEKS! I want to pull my hair out when I think about it. I really really really want to read. In fact, I should stop what I am doing right now (writing this blog) and get all my chores done so I CAN read. Today. Lots more than 4-5 pages at a time. Deep breath.

6. I have recently discovered that I am a good recipe follower. I'm not good at making up recipes on my own (maybe someday), but give me a recipe, and I can do it! This makes me very happy as I was seriously concerned about my abilities to cook meals on a consistant basis--something I did not do as a single person. You should see my meal plans for this week--all new recipes, all very fun. I can do it!

Reception #2, coming right up!

Dang, if I had known how much I would love my life as Mrs. Christiansen, I just might have eloped! No, I completely take that back. I LOVED getting married, wearing the big white dress, taking pictures, having a beautifully and perfectly arrayed reception, and going on a honeymoon. Good things come to those who wait. Speaking of honeymoons, I recommend them. Highly. It was so so nice to step out of reality for a few days and spend all day every day together. I will be forever grateful we were able to go on a honeymoon, and I would recommend a cruise! I have been trying ALL week long to get internet long enough on my laptop to post all my fabulous pictures (curtesy of Jeremy, the photographer of the family) and tell you about all of our fun adventures... but alas to no avail. In fact, right now I am on Jeremy's computer because mine can't get internet and the pictures are all on mine. Grrr. I don't know what's wrong. Anyhow, pictures and stories and recommendations for your future cruising adventures are forthcoming. In the meantime, I just wanted you to know we are alive and well in our little Cedar City apartment. Life has swung back into action with school and work and laundry to do (and no gourmet chef in the kitchen, just little ole me and a stack of cookbooks...).

We are, however, on our way out of town again today for our reception/open house number two in Blanding. I am SO EXCITED to go home to Blanding for the weekend. I am so excited to see my students and ward members and family and friends that I have missed so much since driving away in a big U-haul a month and a half ago. I know Debbie, Jeremy's mom, has a beautiful open house planned that includes dozens of her unbeatable homemade pies. If you are reading my blog and you live anywhere near Blanding (or better yet are one of my favorite Blandingites lurking in the courners of my blog...) I had better see you there! Tomorrow night (Saturday the 20th) at the arts and events center, from 7-9. I've missed you.




ps. for those wanting to see more wedding pictures, check out my sister's blog post. She goes through the full details with commentary :). Thanks Tasha!

Whoot whoot!

Well, folks. It's a done deal :). I am now Mrs. Christiansen, and I couldn't be happier about it. Today we leave for the cruise and thus won't be sending many updates or posting more photos until I return. In the meantime...

I hope I look as incredibly happy as I felt. It was a perfect day in every way. I couldn't stop smiling ear to ear!

Wedding Week

I don't have much new or ultra exciting to blog about this week. Just that I am getting married in a matter of days. No, I'm not scared or nervous or stressed out. Everything has gone so smoothly so far. My mom is incredible and has taken the lead as wedding planner extraordinaire. I have all confidence that everything will be beautiful and somehow just what I wished for. I am feeling so peaceful about everything. And I know that it is good and it is right and that my life is going to be pretty dang fantastic as Mrs. Christiansen. Only I just can't quite figure out why it isn't here yet. I wish Saturday was tomorrow instead of a handful of days away still! But it will come and go sooner than I think, so I'm doing my best to enjoy the moment. For those of you wanting to know... here's the upcoming agenda of exciting events:

Thursday: leave after I get off work (at 8:00pm) to drive to Vegas. Spend the night at Jeremy's brother's house.
Friday: Get up early and drive to California. Run to and fro getting things ready for the reception, enjoy the general excitement with all in town for the next day's goodness.
Saturday: 6:30/7:00ish Get up early and get ready for the temple (make sure hair is nice and curly, don red outfit, be sure to put marriage license and temple recommend in bag). 10:30 arrive at the temple and get into the big white dress. 11:30 Be sealed for time and all eternity to Jeremy Max Christiansen (big smile). Take pictures. Be happy. 5:00 Wedding reception in the Koller back yard amongst the flowers and trees, vintage tables cloths and daisies, scrumptious cake and wedding goodness, and all the people I love.
Following Monday: get on the "Monarch of the Seas" and cruise our way to San Diego, Catalina, and Ensenada, Mexico. And Live Happily Ever After.

I can't stop smiling ear to ear because I LOVE MY LIFE. I hope to see you there...

10 days...

and counting....

There is a balm in Gilead

Hmmm. I just read about another small airplane crash. That makes three. The first hit me hardest because it was people I know. Three men from my ward in Blanding. Good men. With good wives whom I worked with and loved. Woman left alone with small children. The second was Friday--a team of dermatologists from here in Cedar. They were in Moab and incidentally one of the patients they went to see was Mark, my future father-in-law. Jeremy had just gone into their office on Thursday, the day before it happened, to have a mole removed, and I needed to set up an appointment for sometime next month. Ten people were killed. Again leaving spouses, unborn children, fiances, children, and grandchildren.

It just makes me hurt. So many. So suddenly and unexpectedly. And it also makes me remember and be grateful that I know there is a plan. A bigger plan than just this life. There is more to just getting up in the morning and going to work or school or whatever. There is more than just what we see. I know there is a loving Father in Heaven who has given us this time, these precious years, to learn to be like him. He allows us opportunities to love and to hurt, to rejoice and to sorrow, to look outside our own spheres and to lose ourselves in the lives of other people. I know that He knows us and loves us individually.

When I was a little girl I would think about how much God must love other people. I would think about the man riding his gondola in Vienna. I would think about the family in the remote reaches of China or Mongolia. And I knew instinctively that He loved them. It took me a while to realize that He could love me and know me just as purely. I have always been grateful that I made those discoveries in that order--that I first saw the love God has for those around me, and second the love he has for me. I try hard to keep seeing it that way. And when I find myself being far too selfish, I remember in my mind's eye my childhood image of the man in Vienna or the family in China, or the homeless woman in South America. I know that God has a purpose and a plan for all of us. Not just me.

And I know that no matter what pain or hurt or loss or sorrow we feel, that we are not alone. I know that such hard things are part of the refiner's fire of this life. We cannot receive a fullness of joy someday without experiencing--even for a moment--just the opposite. But I am grateful that in His infinite and eternal wisdom He put us here together. The real test comes in our ability to reach out to others while even in our deepest trouble or pain. It's not about me. It's not about what I want or need or wish for--it is always about seeking to fill the other person's need first. Therein do we find rest from our own hurt and pain.

It is easy, somehow for me to forget this. And then when something happens where the suffering of someone else is so obvious--as in the cases of these three tragic plane accidents--I am reminded to forget anything I might be worried about or stressing over or struggling with. My troubles are not so bad nor so heart-breaking. And it helps me to remember that I should not just be looking to help someone with the obvious pains and struggles--but with the hidden ones. How many people around me are hurting? How many people do I know who need a hug or a phone call or a friendly comment on their blog? How many of my neighbors need a friend or a listening ear? I cannot grow, I cannot change, I cannot receive a fullness of joy until I seek them out and seek to bring them relief.

Is anyone else...

...as scandalously addicted to these as I am?? I have stopped counting how many I eat in a day. I just don't want to know.

Life in the big city

Cedar City that is.

Two weeks ago we loaded up all our Blanding belongings into a big U-haul and made the trek to the "other side" of the state. We hardly were here a day or two before we headed down to California for some family time and a fantastic shower put on by my ward. Then, last week, we got back to Cedar and got serious about getting things out of boxes and setting up our soon to be new lives in the new apartment. (For now it's just my apartment while Jeremy bums off his sister, Jeanine--shout out to the incredible generocity of Nick and Jeanine--and I live here until we get married September sixth.) 18 days, folks.

Thursday last week my mom and Paige drove into town to help bring shower gifts and a desk from home, to see the new apartment, go to Sound of Music at the Tuacahn theater (it was fantastic), and to make new couch covers for our built in couches. For all you wondering just what a built in couch could be... let me tell you they are pretty great when covered by material bought for just $3.00 a yard and sewed by Mom.

The old...

and VIOLA! the new... Last week was also the start of my new Adult Ed job. I don't quite know what to say about it yet as I am still definitely learning the ropes. I did teach my first ESL class today... and it worked! I get to speak lots and lots of Spanish, which is definitely my favorite part. I also work with some very funny people, so it looks like if all else fails, we will have fun! Hopefully, however, lots of people get their GEDs and high school diplomas (you can do that in Utah without going to high school) and learn lots of English :).

ps. We are still working on getting internet. In the meantime my posts might be a little fewer and farther between... but I promise I have not forgotten you!

Long overdue

When I was little girl I loved having two older sisters. Even though we are only three years apart, I always thought Sara was so old. She was always the first to do everything. The first to go to middle school, the first to go to high school, the first to drive, to go to prom, to have a curfew. I used think I couldn't wait until I was as old as Sara was. Looking back I think it was hard for her to always be the first--to tread on the unchartered water over and over again--but also very fun. She was the leader of the pack. Everything she did, I wanted to do too.

Growing up Sara was always the neat one. Being the oldest, she eventually got her own room. She always knew if we had been in her room because a pen would be moved or a paper out of place. She was so clean, we couldn't get away with anything. I have always loved that about her. She was always older and wiser and I wanted to understand her so I would sneak in her room and look at all her pretty things in their perfect places. I must have been an obnoxious little sister--sorry, Sara!

I remember when Sara and I first started becoming friends after the all the somewhat inevitable older sister/younger sister squabbles of the teenage years. She had borrowed a shirt and left me a note on my bed to tell me. She hadn't borrowed much of my clothes up to that point and so it was new twist in our relationship. She explained that she would get it back to me when she was through and that she was glad of our newly developing friendship. I still have the note. It was the beginning of something great.

It's funny for me to look back and remember that we went through those years when we weren't the kind of friends we are now. I consider Sara one of my best friends. She is the kind of person who would (and does) do anything for me. She is open and trusting, thoughtful and considerate. Ever since I went away to college, she has been good at sending me notes and postcards and homemade cards in the mail to remind me I'm not alone even when I'm far from home. She has a way of picking out the perfect gift for a birthday or Christmas present. She calls and leaves the best messages on my phone. Usually her messages are so long that it's like she's chatting with me. I always find myself talking back to her before I remember it's just a message, and I can't wait to call her back and actually talk to her.

It's no wonder that Sara has always been good with children. When she was in college she started nannying or babysitting for a family. She had a way of standing her ground while still making those kids love her to pieces. It wasn't surprising to me that in college she majored in Child Development, nor that on graduation the hospital she was interning at turned her internship into a job in order to keep her. She is fun and funny--willing to dress up and laugh and do goofy things. But at the same time she is calm and soothing. She is the only one who can get Brayden to sleep after a busy and chaotic family gathering. She is favorite Aunt Sara because she plays and laughs and gets down on her hands and knees to see what Tanner's trucks or are up to. She will be a phenomenal mother.

Not only with kids is Sara fun, but with everyone. She just has a spark of adventure in her. She likes to play games, go on adventures, try new things. She has always been the one to have lots of friends from lots of places with whom she does lots of fun things.

And it works that way--always out with someone on some sort of adventure--because she is a good friend. She is thoughtful. She remembers important things going on in their lives and she asks about them or sends a gift or a card or an email. She is aware of what is going on in their lives and she remembers in their next conversation or in a card. She is so giving--of her things, of her time, of her love.

She and Stanford now live in Las Vegas where they have become the Torgerson Hotel. They are always keeping someone for the night who is on their way to California or heading out to Utah. Staying at their house is not only convenient, but fun! They always are ready to play games or watch a movie. Both she and Stanford are fantastic cooks and their is always something bubbling or brewing on the stove or in the oven to tide us over. They are generous with their couches and pantry and love. I am excited that we now live just 2.5 hours apart and the adventures are about to begin!

I have always felt that anyone who is friends with Sara is a lucky person. I am so grateful that she is mine--that we are sealed to each other forever.

And this week was her Birthday. I am long overdue in remembering it here, but I love you Sara!