my littles

Hello. While Tasha was in town two weeks ago, she graciously brought her camera. And in addition to doing the fabulous Photoshoot of Goldie, as seen in the previous post, she took quite a few shots of my other three, and of all of us together. 

(Rex had tripped down a concrete stair a few days before, poor fellow. Although some sort of bump or bruise is often on his face, so this seemed appropriate for photos)

(The three amigos. They are each other's best friends and worst enemies. Can't wait to see a little Goldie toddling around near them in the future.)

We love each other.

They kill me.

Truely, I can't get over the fact that I have four kids. Four very little kids (Raymond turned five this month). Being a mom to these little people is the most patience trying, soul stretching, faith testing, exhausting thing I've ever done. And I thought a mission was hard. 

To be honest, I'm still not the mom I thought I'd be or I want to be. I struggle with patience more than I ever imagined I would, or like to admit. I never knew it was even possible to get so seriously frustrated when lengthy amounts of ear-piercing screaming is involved (ahem, that would be Ginny). Or how badly I'd want to give in to things like screen time (I always thought we'd be a TV free home... And we definitely aren't. Raymond would watch 12 hours a day if I let him.) Some days just getting bed made is my big accomplishment (note: I always make the bed). Other days I feel capable of conquering the world... And I do!  

It's a roller coaster every single day. But I'm slowly learning to embrace the chaos and craziness and to let things just go. I'm trying sooooo hard to be the example of calm and quiet and kindness that I want to see more of from my kids. To still be the person I thought I was before every part of me was being tried so completely. And I'm trying to love the loud (laughter and screaming both) of having all these little people in my life. 

Because I love this little crowd of crazies sooooo much. I want so desperately for them to succeed, to create happiness, to be productive and able individuals. And I know so much depends on me teaching them how. It really depends on me showing them how. I'm working on it. 

Goldie Girl

When I was little Aunt Goldie (who was really my grandma's Aunt Goldie... Making her my great great Aunt Goldie!) was always present on Christmas. I have a distinct memory of sitting on her lap where she sat in my grandpa's favorite rocking chair. She wrapped her small arms around me and patted my freckled cheeks and told me I was darling. It's easy to love such a woman. 

My mom tells me her favorite color was pink. My grandma would give her a new pink blouse or sweater every year.  And that she and her four sisters all loved Aunt Goldie dearly. 

When we were brainstorming names for this little girl, I remembered Aunt Goldie. I don't think we even knew it was a girl yet when I first brought up the name Goldie. Jeremy immediately said he liked it. It's such an uncommon name, that though I liked it too, I never really thought we'd use it. 

In fact for months of the pregnancy I we were fairly set on a different name entirely. But I just never felt settled.  

2-3 weeks before her arrival I put three names on the chalkboard in our laundry room, hoping one would surface for me. Everyday I would pick a different one as my current favorite. I just couldn't settle! This was new for us. Our three previous babies all had a name picked for at least a few months before birth. 

In fact once I finally settled on Goldie Jane, I refused to tell anyone for fear it would change again! On the way to the birth center even Jeremy had to ask to be sure it was Goldie. After all, I'd only been settled on it for about a week. 

And now I really just can't get over how much I love her name. Considering how hard a time I had feeling settled, it still surprises me 1. That this is what we chose, and 2. That I love it as much as I do!

I love that it is associated with gold. She is my little golden girl. My sunshine. My precious treasure and priceless gift. I love that the newest young women value, virtue, is the color gold. I hope she is always an embodiment if virtue snd goodness. A little angel of a girl. 

And judging by her sweet temperament and her dazzling smile she so quickly bestows, I think she's well on her way to living up to her name. 

Jane Eyre

For the past few years if someone asked, I would claim Jane Eyre as my favorite book. I love it so much, it's one I aim to read again and again my entire life. Every few years like clockwork. Not because I think the plot is riveting (once you know who is in the attic, the plot twist loses it's mystery). Not because it is a literary masterpiece and the English major/teacher in me is repeatedly dissecting literary themes. 

I love Jane Eyre because of Jane. 

For me, she is one of the greatest female protagonists of all time. She is so real, her struggle so human. She is so good. Her effort for integrity and purity inspiring. 

I love her. I want to live up to her ideals. To be passionate for truth and goodness as she is. To be as devoted to what I believe and who I love as she is. 

In fact, I can't stand any film version of this book that I've seen simply because all those modern film directors and actors seem to always get Jane's character all wrong. Everytime. They leach from the story her moral drive, her willingness to endure what is (in her quiet devoted life) complete devistation for what she knows is right. Her willingness to sacrifice everything, everything, she loves, hopes for, longs for, and could have because she refuses to become Mr. Rochester's mistress. In fact, she turns her back on society, the man she loves, and her home all to keep her self respect.

She is hard working, patient, devoted, loving, faithful, and good. Good.  

And while she is fictional, I love that my middle name is her name. Falling back into her story every few years reminds me to be better. To be more content with quiet devotion. To be more passionate about the people and things I love. 

Snappity snap

Yesterday was a rough day. I didn't get enough sleep the night before and as a result was easily irritated by silly things. And from there it's a downward spiral everytime. Because almost without fail, my kids' moods reflect my mood. 

You know what I'm talking about, right? 

If I snap at them, they snap at each other, and then I snap at them again... And before you know it at least two kids are yelling at the top of their lungs and/or crying. In addition to little hands and feet being used to attack each other's faces. It can go from calm and cool to crazy quickly. And I pretty much want to tear my hair out. Good times.

Until, of course, I snap out of it. 

It usually takes me stepping back, taking a deep breath, and using a calm, kind voice to alleviate the tension. 

After the fact, I often wonder why it can take me so long to make the switch. I know it has to be me. But I let the chaos get the better of me too often and for too long. 

But knowing is half the battle, right? 

Five things:

1. Rex has the most darling face. Sometimes I just can't get over how darling and sweet and funny he is. This might just be my favorite stage. 

2. Pretty much my life feels out of control.  But I'm coming to terms with it. Learning to embrace it, even. The other day I made a list of the things I CAN control. It felt like a pretty short list.  But, in fact, it was much longer than I expected. I might not be able to always control how clean my house is or how we'll behaved my children are, but it's nice to remember that I can always control the way I react. (Even when I'm sleep deprived.)

3. I have four children. And I have for two months now. It is still shocking, even to me, sometimes. I just can't get over that these four little lives are forever attached to my own. It's a wild ride, but I wouldn't get off for anything. 

4. The newest of those four little people is named Goldie. Every single day since she was born I have re-fallen in love with her name (and with the girl herself, of course). I hope that someday she loves her name as much as I do. Because I love it. 

5. I want to work on my writing skills again. Fingers crossed. 

Rex inspecting a car. 23 months. 

It's a party

I kind of have this thing for celebrating Paige's birthday. I moved out of my parents house when she was seven, so I missed more of her birthdays than I like to think about. In fact, she told me that growing up she used to keep track of how many birthdays she had to celebrate without her sisters. Sad, right?

So now that she lives in my neck of the woods, I can't help making a fairly big deal about it. So big that the day before (while I was in the midst of baking and decorating and cleaning) Jeremy casually commented, "Wow, how come you don't go this big for my birthday?" Oops!

This year's theme was pastels. And this was in our inspiration. Isn't that little girl and her party table adorable?? Adorable.

Since her birthday this year landed on a Sunday, it really was just a Sunday dinner (roasted whole chicken and roasted root vegetables with wheat Lion House rolls) with some cake added on. And some cookie making (Paige loves her some cookies!) to add to the fun. The decorations were pretty and fun. And she hadn't come over for a Sunday dinner since before Christmas, so it felt like a big deal.

Gosh I love this girl.

The Birthday Princess and her attendant. Paige was a trooper and wore her birthday crown the whole day. Ginny couldn't resist wearing hers too. 

Getting ready for some dinner. Oh yeah and "King Raymond" / batman was also in attendance.

The desserts.

20 candles!

Nothing like wearing one of Grandma Snowball's aprons and making sugar cookies. Paige nailed it.

And that's a wrap! Sorry I didn't really get pictures of all the pink and blue bunting on all of my many windows. Or the cute scalloped bunting I made like from the inspiration pin. It's pretty cute and still hanging on my wall.... so you could just stop by if you want to see it! Ha!

Stay tuned for next year's shin-dig.

XOXO

Happy Valentine's Day!!

Today is one of my very favorite holidays. I love the red and pink everywhere. A heart just might be my favorite shape. And conversation hearts really are so so good (in a chalky, sugary kind of way). Basically I love it all.

We started the day right with heart pancakes followed immediately by goodie bags from Grandma T (my mom). She sure does spoil us!

Plans for the rest of the day include prepping and decorating (more than we already are!) for a special heart dinner, finishing up and delivering valentines to some nursery and primary friends, and finishing our valentines for each other (which will be part of the dinner/party we're gearing up for later).

If we have added energy we might make some heart sugar cookies (can't go wrong there) or homemade gummies.

And, of course, we'll all be in various shades of red and pink and will tell each other we love each other all day long.

I hope that YOU are feeling the love love love today too!  We love YOU!

UPDATE

Well hello there. And how are you? 

I feel, in so many ways, that my (our) life is in upheaval right now. Not really. But kind of. Here's a brief update...

Jeremy: is neck deep in his fourth semester of Law School. Busy, busy, busy. (That's three "busy-s"--one for school, one for church, one for us at home.)

Carly:  I set three goals for 2013: 1. Do a better job remembering birthdays, 2. Plant and harvest a big beautiful garden this year, 3. Exercise (at least) three days a week (something I've been doing since September when we bought a treadmill off KSL). On top of those year-long goals, I aim to keep my sanity on a daily basis. The latter may or may not happen. Cross your fingers.

Raymond: will have hearing aids by the end of the week! After lots and lots of testing in the last two months, we've learned that he has mild to moderate hearing loss in both ears. It is permanent (although we don't yet know if it could get progressively worse--CT scan this Thursday may shed light on that). We are pretty excited for him to start hearing better soon!  He, otherwise, is still into all things super-hero related.

Ginny: is both potty training (by her request) and learning to sleep in a toddler bed all in the same week. She's doing great at the potty training (how could she not when it's completely on her own initiative), but not so great at staying in her own bed.. Pretty much we play musical beds all night long. Good times. She is otherwise pretty adorable. Jeremy in particular is absolutely smitten by her. Father/daughter love is so sweet.

Rex: is adorable. He smiles and smiles and smiles. And still I can't get enough of that face. Even in the thick of RSV and an ear infection he was smiling away. He digs the rice cereal.

And there you have it in a nut shell! I hope to pop back in here sooner rather than later. Fingers crossed!

We can fly!

We've been a wee bit excited about Halloween at our house. That is an understatement.

The day arrived. And it was everything we hoped for and more. Gosh, trick-or-treat-ing with kids is so much fun. They were super excited, very talkative with people, way into everyone's decorations, and insistant that we call them Peter Pan and Tinker Bell rather than their real names.

My parents showed up just in time for dinner and trick-or-treating. We loved having them with us! My mom was awesome about taking pictures.

So without further ado...

The stars of the day! Meet Peter Pan and Tinker Bell. Note the awesome sword Jeremy made Raymond. Note the awesome costumes made by me! 

She was precious. Beyond measure. And her bag matches. The OCD in me loved that.

 As a family. I was Nana (the dog). Jeremy was Mr. Darling. Ginny was tired of pictures.

Rex was Smee. Mostly he just hung out in the stroller pushed by Grandpa. He was super alert in the beginning. Love that sweet little face.  

They were so super cute at all the doors. Raymond just wanted to talk and talk and talk to everyone. Ginny just kept reaching in for more candy. Cracked me up. 

The loot. They were exhausted (and both dead asleep within 15 minutes of this picture) but so so happy.

It really was just SO SO fun. Magical, in fact. Halloween just skyrocked in my list of awesome holidays. 

Transitions

I remember a while back reading a post somewhere (where?) in which the writer was asking (and commenters were responding) what the hardest transitions was: going from zero to one child, from one child to two, two to three and so on.

It was a revelatory moment for me. At the time I only had two. But I realized that it was immeasurably harder for me to go from zero to one. Something that had never occurred to me before. Not that I didn't want that first baby (oh how I wanted that baby!). But it was a big transition. I was fresh married (another big transition), in a fairly new place, lacking horribly in the friend department, and walking away from being in school or teaching school. And Raymond was somewhat cholicy.  Don't get me wrong, I had no doubts or second thoughts about the stay-at-home bit, no qualms about starting a family, and nothing else whatsoever that I wanted to be doing with my time and talents.

But for whatever reason it was a rough transition. Does any first time mom know what they are doing? My heart goes out to first time moms. Man. It's rough.

Baby #2 was so much easier. So. Much.

And let me tell you, despite all my fears, worries, and apprehensions (three kids three and under!), Baby #3 has been hands down the smoothest transition yet.

I have absolutely no idea if it's just that Rex is the best baby on the planet (for which I give daily thanks). Or if I've finally learned something about how to swaddle a baby properly (I haven't). Or if living in a space big enough to breath in has eased emotional strain (heavens, yes). I don't know.

But I feel like despite the serious chaos that three, three and under creates, I am in the happiest, stablest place I've been in a while.Not that I wasn't happy before. It's just that I'm happier now than I realized I could be.

It wish that that meant I don't lose my temper (I hate it when I lose my temper... but somehow it still happens). Or that I've given up being annoyed with too much mess (I love everything in it's place. But it's nigh unto impossible to attain. Or maintain.). Or that I'm ok with the fact that my kids yell at me (and each other) and seem to have few qualms about talking back.

But I feel like we are making progress (toddler steps). Who knew adding another baby to the mix would only make things better? Heavenly Father, obviously.

I am happy to say that this has, indeed, been a smooth transition. The best yet.

(Rex, aka the best baby on the planet)

Babies

I sure do love my little crazies. Sometimes I can't even believe I have three children. But there they are in all their adorable-ness.

Can't wait until Halloween when they turn into Peter, Tinker, and Smee, respectively. October really is the best month.

I hope you are enjoying wind and rain and falling yellow leaves, as we are. Oh, and endless bowls of all varieties of soups.

Cheers!

(PS it is, unbelievably, on the horizon that I will acquire a phone with a decent camera. Huzzah! This is as good a news for you as for me since the quality of these pictures really is atrocious.)

Reflections

Last Friday (the 12th) I turned thirty, friends. It's kind of a big-deal birthday. I have honestly been excited about it for just about a year. I am happy to have joined the "in my thirties" club.

More than anything it has made me think about and reflect on where I've been and where I'm going, and who I've been and who I have yet to become. In the last ten years, specifically, I feel like so much has happened. It makes me excited for the next ten years.

As a recap:

• Oct 2002: I had just started dating "the rocket" -- a relationship that fell apart about six months later. I learned immeasurably about the atonement, forgiveness, and faith as I worked to put myself back together. Maybe it sounds a little melodramatic (but, hey, I was 20), but this relationship and the aftermath was character forming in so many ways.
• Oct 2003: I was one month away from entering the MTC to serve in the Honduras, Comayaguela Mission. I was living at home and spending all my time with my mom. I was on fire with life, loved being home, and on pins and needles to begin my mission.
• Oct 2004: I had just been transferred (the week before) to Catacamas, and at the same time started training Hermana Paty Perez (from Guatemala). We were both new to the area and unfortunately neither of us had a very good sense of direction. Almost all the streets were dirt roads and all the houses adobe brick. We walked in circles! In the end, this was my favorite area, though. Oh, Honduras, I miss you.
• Oct 2005: I was teaching the "English" (three week) missionaries at the MTC and gearing up to teach the Welfare sisters starting in January. Working at the MTC will always be, I think, the best job I ever had. I loved it.  This was my first semester back at BYU after my mission and I was taking a bizillion Spanish classes since I had added a Spanish Teaching minor. 
• Oct 2006: I was still at the MTC, still teaching Welfare (although the program was on the brink--unbeknownst to me--of ending), still doing the BYU thing. I was living in that wonderful little house on 900 E and 700 S in Provo with Katy and Allison and Koseli and Shirsti. I loved that house. I loved those girls. I had just been called as the RS president in our singles ward.
• Oct 2007: I was a first year English teaching at San Juan High School in Blanding, Utah. I had just started this little ole blog and moving into my own apartment. I was crazy busy trying to keep up with teaching 11th and 12th grade English and AP Language. I spent late nights sitting in my rocking chair reading, Sunday afternoons going on long walks around Blanding, and Friday nights at the football games. 
• Oct 2008: I had been married to Jeremy 1(!) month. I had just found out I was pregnant with little Raymond John. We were newlyweds in love.Jeremy was in his first semester at SUU, and I was teaching Adult Ed and Even Start for Iron County (in Cedar City, UT)
• Oct 2009: Raymond was four months old; I was already planning and sewing Christmas presents (I remember spending months that year working on Christmas presents!). We were living in scholarship housing and I had just become friends with Lew Swank. I love her.
• Oct 2010: I was a month away from giving birth to Ginny. Jeremy and I were taking a married institute class together. Raymond had just started talking; I loved the way he would say "Moses" and point to the picture in the Gospel Art book.
• Oct 2011: We had just moved to SLC and started Law School. We were living in that "cozy" basement apartment. I was determined to bake all my own bread (it lasted until morning sickness kicked in two months later!)
• Oct 2012: And here I am living, in this beautiful old house, mom of three beautiful, fun, bright little babies. I feel like I have friends, am reading good books, have a great relationship with Jeremy, and in so many ways am at the prime of my life! Life just doesn't get much better than this.

So many wonderful things have happened in the last ten years. So much growth. So many faith building experiences. So many blessings. It is amazing to me to look back and see again and again how much Heavenly Father has guided me, blessed me, and helped me to grow. 

It is hard for me to believe that it has been only ten years, and at the same time, hard to believe it hasn't been longer. I feel I am at a cross roads, that I am leaving behind the characteristic phases of young adulthood--college, mission, young married years, first children. Ahead lies the "middle years." Growing children, a career for Jeremy, deepening friendships, "settling down," and the steady everyday tasks of motherhood. 

I wonder what is coming that I don't expect, can't anticipate. What challenges will come? Where will we live? What other little souls will come to our family? What hills and valleys await that are so far out of view? 

To be honest, I am grateful that life is always,endlessly, full of unknowns. So much of the last ten years was a surprise. Ten years ago I would have never guessed where I would have ended up.  I look forward to discovering what lies ahead, one day, on decision, one experience at a time.

happy little life

These are two of my favorite phone pictures of little Miss Virginia lately. Last week it was cool enough to pull out our jackets for about two days. We went to the farm and began decorating for Halloween in commemoration of such fall-like weather.

Then the temperatures jumped back up to the 80s. Plenty of time for really cold weather, however, so I'm not complaining.

My life these days is filled with lots of chubby cheeks to kiss (which I do often), family gatherings in perfectly spaced intervals (meaning they are frequent), and good books (I am addicted to my kindle and the fact that the Salt Lake Public Library has such a large collection).

I'm starting to get more sleep more consistently, which makes for a happy mama. And due to a treadmill purchase off KSL, I'm getting more exercise more consistently which makes for a doubly happy mama. Sleep, exercise, and a daily handful of chocolate chips makes everything in life better, don't you think?

I live a happy little life.


(ps remind me sometime to document for you the incredible variety (and intensity) of the wallpaper in this house. In the above picture you can sort of see the flavor of my bedroom. It tastes of broccoli!)