Treading softly

I just finished reading C. Jane's post about transitions in motherhood (and all the comments). Going from no children to one. From one to two.  Which is hardest, easiest, smoothest, calmest.  And so on.

And since I'm in the midst of one of those transitions, I loved reading it all. While I'm pretty sure I'm not experiencing any postpartum depression (nor did I after Raymond was born), I agree that transitions of this nature are just hard any way you slice it.

It's a new balancing act, a new rhythm, a new sense of self.

And all that newness takes some time to get used to, you know? It's been a mixed blessing for me to have this baby at the height of the holidays (two days before Thanksgiving, in fact). I've had so much extra help with Jeremy on breaks from school and all the extra family time associated with the holidays. I've also loved holding a newborn and singing or reading or thinking about the newborn Savior--it's added such a calming and inspiring aspect to my holiday season.

On the other hand, there is so much to do! Not enough hands to do it with!

It's taken determination to cross things off my To Do list that I never actually got around to doing. To say no gifts to neighbors this year. No Christmas cards. No caramel making. And then to not feel guilty about it. (That's the clincher: the no guilt. I'm oh so good at feeling guilt.)

But I believe in treading softly on these transition months. On being slow. On not rushing.

It was super important to me to get as much as possible done before she came, so that I could simply enjoy her now that she's here. I'm doing my best to live up to that. To let things go.

I think this transition has been much softer and calmer than my transition from none to one was. Partly because I know a little bit (although still not enough!) of what I'm doing. And I know how fast it will go. And I trust that eventually I'll sleep again.

So I'm treasuring up the sweetness of a newborn. Even when she cries or won't sleep anywhere but in my arms.

Because all of that is worth it to have her tiny hands cling tightly to my shirt as she sleeps snuggled up on my chest. To hear her little puffs of breath come in and out as her eyelids flutter and her mouth hangs falls open into a long O. Oh how I love to kiss and kiss and kiss those pink cheeks and drink in her smell when her head falls slack on my shoulder.

It's ok that everything but the bare essentials seems to be neglected right now. Because her cheeks are so soft, you see. 

And you know, I was an imperfect mom before she came. And I'm an imperfect mom still. But I'm better for having her. I'm confident that two will teach me what one could not. And someday the same will go for adding another. And another. And so on. And while it should (an is!) be hard, or rather, challenging, stretching, purifying, it's also sweet. And I like to focus on the tenderness more than the toughness.

And so I am doing my best to tread softly. On myself, my schedule, my To Dos, my imperfections, my little ones, my life. I will soon enough have to emerge from the newborn cocoon, I want to bask in it's sweetness as long as I possibly can.

More on determination

A few months ago Jeremy predicted that my blogging would wane as more children entered our home.

I responded with an emphatic not me!

Alas.

Sorry folks. Looks like I'm failing on that account. But I have high hopes that my sporadic visiting isn't permanent. That sometime after the newborn stage we'll be back with full force. Cross your fingers.

And in the mean time feast your eyes on the goodness of Tasha's photography skills. And sewing skills. Here's my sweet girl lounging on an Aunt Tasha original.

Christmas was just as sweet and juicy as Ginny's cheeks. Full of all the goodness of going home. New Years was pretty great too... even if we did hit the sack at 9:30. Hey, when the kiddos sleep, we sleep. (But no worries I was awake enough times in the night to make up for going to bed two and a half hours earlier than expected!)

As a side note: don't you just love the freshness of a new year? I just love writing 2011; it makes me smile every time. On Sunday Jeremy wrote down some of his "life" goals (things he wants to accomplish before he dies), and I loved thinking about not only what I hope to accomplish this year, but in the next fifty or sixty.

And (just so you know) if you don't hear from us for a while, you can assume we're happy and well! Watching the snow fall from our front window and finger painting pictures of spring.

I was determined

Determined, I tell you, to have everything done for Christmas before Ginny Bug arrived.

I was unsuccessful.

So while my lack of posts is also due to the fact that our little lives have taken a whirl with a newborn in the house, it's mostly due to the fact that every time I have a moment to myself I'm trying to finish Christmas things. Or I'm taking a nap. Or I'm watching a movie with Jeremy. Or doing the laundry and the dishes.

All of which has taken a much higher precedence than just about anything else. Even taking pictures of Miss Virginia. (Have I mentioned that picture taking is just not my forte? Yeah.)

But the good news is, I'm just about done with Christmas. And what isn't done has mostly been crossed of the To Do list (because, man, I'm tired).I just have a few more things to wrap and a hope to make one little thing for Raymond. But, you know, if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. I can always make it after Christmas (heaven forbid!), and he probably won't even know.

And the other good news is that Ginny is a perfect little baby. A few days ago I started (but didn't finish) a whole post about how good she is. At eating. At sleeping (ok, well better at this than Raymond anyway). At looking good in pink. At puckering those rose bud lips for mama kisses. She's an angel.

And someday someone who's better at taking pictures than I am will help me get more shots of her chubby-cheeked sweetness for all of you to melt over.

In the meantime, Merry Christmas!!

Pictures for Aunt Tasha

Hair bow made by Aunt Tasha.

Dress made by yours truly.

Socks hand knit by Grandma Torgerson.

We were all sad to see said Grandma leave yesterday (who knit three pairs of Ginny socks while here!). It was a perfect first week of transitioning to two little ones. I love my mom. I'm not sure if the advent calendars around the house are counting down to Christmas or getting to see "Na-ma" again.

1 week old

I truly find it hard to believe this little ladybug is already a week old. She is still sweet and cuddly and sleepy. So sleepy. I didn't know babies slept so much. (Knock on wood)

Today we took pictures of the bath. She is a little fussy at first, but settles right in and does great.

And we took pictures of her in a rare moment of being awake and calm. Usually if she's awake (which is a rarity itself) she's eating. But today she took a little more time to enjoy the world around her.

Today I am most grateful for

the safe and healthy arrival of

Virginia Ruth

8 lbs 10 oz

20.5 inches long

She is sweet, chubby cheeked, and cuddly.

I honestly don't even know how to begin to describe what a sweet and tender experience the last few days have been. She came less than two hours after my water broke, and less than an hour after arrival at the hospital. I feel like her labor and delivery were in every way a sweet and tender mercy. And little Ginny is herself the most tender part of all.


I am in love.

And so is Raymond. He wakes up from nap and sleep saying, "baba" (baby) and going to find her. He wants to hold, kiss, touch, and look at her as much as we will let him. 

Virginia is (so far) a champion eater and sleeper. She cuddles and snuggles and begs to be loved. And without doubt ever person in this house is smitten.

 

ps These photos just don't even begin to do her justice. She has the sweetest, roundest little face with a rosebud mouth and kissable cheeks. Her hair is dark with bit of blonde, and about as thick as Raymond's is currently. Long fingers and toes and a little body that is more ball than anything else. Someday we'll live by one of our photography siblings so we can post better pictures, but until then, these are taking with love.

Do It Yourself mixes

As I've mentioned before, we (aka Raymond) eat a lot of oatmeal and waffles in this house. (Disclaimer: I eat a lot of cereal. A ridiculous amount, actually. Sadly, I really can't eat oatmeal. It's a texture thing.).

Anyhow, oatmeal and waffles. Raymond even knows where the waffle maker is kept (above the fridge) and will reach frantically for it if he gets it into his head he wants some. And being the mom I am, I usually comply even if it's well past "breakfast time." Leftovers are frozen and whipped out at all hours of the day.

A few months ago I realized these two foods alone were costing way more than necessary. All those little oatmeal packets. And Bisquick is pretty pricey if you ask me. So I started doing some internet research for homemade Bisquick and instant oatmeal recipes. I thought I would share what I've found. Just in case you have a one-year-old who loves these items as much as mine does. Sadly I don't remember where I found these recipes, but I don't take credit for them. Someone else out there was wise enough to figure it out. Here's what we do...

Instant Oatmeal
In a big bowl sift together:

• 1 cup quick oats turned to dust in the food processor or blender (if using blender, do no more than 1/2 cup at a time)
• 5 cups quick oats 
• 1 1/3 cup powdered milk
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 1/2 cup packed brown sugar
• 1 t salt
• 1/2 T cinnamon (original recipe called for 1T but Jeremy says it's too strong)
• 1 cup dried fruit (optional. I've never added this)

Store in an air-tight container. 

I really like making this is bulk rather than "packet" size. Some days Raymond wants a banana before oatmeal and so I make a little bit smaller bowl. Other days he eats later and appears famished, so I made a bigger bowl. It's been great. 

Disclaimer: I have no idea if this tastes good because the idea of putting oatmeal in my mouth makes me want to gag. Raymond seems to like it. Maybe it has lots of sugar? Maybe it's less than Quaker Oats instant packets? I really have no idea. Let me know what you think if you try it.


Homemade Bisquick
Sift together:

• 6 cups all-purpose flour
• 2 cups wheat flour
• 3T-1/4 cup sugar (I mixed two recipes here and do somewhere between 1/8 and 1/4 cup)
• 1 1/3 cup powdered milk
• 1 T salt
• 1/4 cup baking powder
• 3/4 cup shortening
• (1 t cream of tartar--one recipe I have called for this, and I used it the first time but not the second with no noticeable difference)

Now you are going to need to cut in your shortening. I do this a little at a time in my food processor with just the flour since I don't have a pastry knife. Either way (food processor or pastry knife) cut the shortening into the flour before adding and sifting the rest of the ingredients. Then store in an airtight container. It will last longer if stored in the refrigerator or freezer. We eat it fast enough that I don't bother with that.

Disclaimer: I have only used this mix to make waffles (mix about equal parts Bisquick mix with water--until it's a good consistency--and add a splash of vegetable oil). I have no idea if this would make good biscuits or not, but I do know it makes great part-wheat waffles!

Next up on my To Try list: homemade hot cocoa. I'll keep you posted.

A season of thanks

As a little girl I think my favorite holidays were Halloween and Christmas. In college I fell in love with Valentine's Day, and Halloween took a back seat. In recent years Thanksgiving has steadily moved up in the ranks.

I love that this holiday seems to be almost completely unsullied by the typical commercialism of the holidays. In fact, except for the turkey vouchers and advertisements for cranberry sauce, most stores have moved right on to Christmas trees and reindeer.

But I refuse to let my fall move too fast. No Christmas lights in early November around here. I love focusing November on the quite calm of gratitude. It is the perfect prelude to the busy season ahead.

For the past two years I put a piece of fall-colored cardstock on our fridge right around the beginning of the month with the heading "I am Thankful For..." and we spent the month filling it up with our large and small tidbits of thanks. This year I wanted something a bit more central, more visual. So I created a "gratitude tree" out of brown paper and cardstock, to become our table "centerpiece" for the coming weeks.

I love the way it is becoming a constant reminder for me to mentally note and verbally say the things I am grateful for all day long (even if it's just Raymond listening!).

I started with just a few leaves with quotes or scriptures about gratitude...

And we have been adding leaves each night at dinner of the things we are grateful for. 

I feel an "attitude of gratitude" already sparked in just the past few days. There is so much to be grateful for!

The boy lovingly refered to as "The Man Child"

 
Well poor little Raymond certainly hasn't made the center stage on this blog for quite some time. But that doesn't mean he isn't large and in charge around here. Somehow over night he went from a baby to a toddler. That's not to say he's lost all his baby-ness. Because I'm pretty sure his cheeks are as kissable as they were on day one. But he has mastered the art of puckering up himself... which is just about as tender as it comes.

Before I lose my head, I want to record some of the latest and greatest of the Life of RayJ.

1. He (as always) loves books. We went through weeks of reading (for hours, literally) the Jazz book. Random, I know. Now we read the Fisher Price Baby magazine over and over. And flip endlessly through the pages of Gyo Fugikawa's ABC book and the Julie Andrews Songs, Poems, and Lullaby collection.

2. But actually, what we spend most of our time looking at (at Raymond's request) is the Church's spiral bound Gospel Art Book. Really, the boy knows where this book is at any given time. He can say Jesus, Moses (probably the cutest thing I've ever heard... it's more like Mooo-ses with his little lips puckered for the long ooo), and prophets (more like sa-sets). He can point out Jesus in any given picture and randomly throughout the day points at the picture of Christ on our wall saying, "Jesus" over and over. It's quite humbling, in fact, to witness his sincere and completely voluntary interest in all things "Jesus" or "prophets" related. He regularly flips through Preach My Gospel, the hymnbook, the Children's Songbook, the Gospel Principles manual, the Temples Ensign, and of course the Gospel Art Book. If I try and put any of these books out of reach, the boy knows and lets me hear it.

3. He is our little explorer. I swear he wants to get into every cupboard, nook, and cranny of this apartment. It might just be a long winter, folks. He is happiest when let out of doors for his explorations.

4. He is as social as ever. He smiles and charms anyone (particuarly in church) who looks his way. He's never happier than when he has a captive audience. With that said, he still takes a considerable amount of time to warm up to new situations and people... and will give the blank stare for quite some time before the grins come out. But once they do, watch out! He is a champion at the institute nursery--always happy and playing. But, I must admit he's a mama's boy to the tee. He won't even always let Jeremy carry him when we are out and about. He loves to be held by Mom, that's for sure.

5. If I let him, he would subsist on Marshmallow Maties alone. He stands at the pantry door banging his heart out to get them all day long. Other favorite foods (do I even admit this?) are "nanas," yogurt, (ahem) hot dogs and corn dogs, tater tots, and waffles. I do make him eat oatmeal every morning (gotta start the day healthy at least), and I squeeze some peas into his diet occasionally (the only vegetable he really likes). Healthy eating is a work in progress, right?

6. He would color (aka throw crayons and colored pencils around the house) all day long if I let him. But, sadly for him, I don't. He is slowly getting the hang of actually "coloring." Man, he loves his crayons!

7. He is a jabberer to no end. And, happily, he is finally saying more words with more clarity. The running list includes: eat, out, up, off, ball (ba), bath (ba... much like ball, but usually pretty clear when used in context), dada, mama, leche (milk), baby (baba), soft (saaaa), night night (nana), yeah, all done (a da), hot, toast (tost), bye bye (surprisingly clear!), and (as mentioned) nana, Jesus, prophet, Moses, and I'm sure there are more I can't think of... he also says quite a few animal sounds (baa baa, nay nay, hee haw, ssss (snake), mooo, roar, buzzz, meow, fish sound, oo oo ee ee aa (monkey), yippee dee (pea cock), cheep cheep (chicks), woof woof...)

8. By and large, he is a very happy boy. Despite the trantrums he likes to throw when he doesn't get his way (which seem to be diminishing as I simply ignore them and him while he bangs his head on the floor or wall), he mostly is smiley and happy. We certainly have fun together... although (of course) the most fun is had when Dad is home. Mom is much calmer with him than Dad, that's for sure! (Who else will tickle and tackle and throw balls in the air to no end?)

I certainly admit I love, love, love this stage. He is always doing something new and exciting. I love watching him make new connections and say and do new things. I love seeing the little person he is becoming. I am excited to see how he reacts and changes to a new baby sister, and I'm confident he's going to handle it beautifully.

Pictures taken by Stanford Richens last Friday. Hooray for photographers in the family!

Things I love about being pregnant

I'm definitely feeling that this pregnancy is winding down, slowly but surely. Come what may, in at most six weeks or so there will be a lovely little lady in our house.  And actually my fingers are crossed (and you can cross yours too!) she comes more around Thanksgiving.

On Wednesday I had an ultra sound to double check that an ache/pain I've been feeling wasn't anything serious. I tell you, it filled me right up with Thanksgiving gratitude to hear the nurse tell me everything looks "perfect." It was strange to see that squished little body in the ultra sound (so different than at 18-20 weeks when you can actually see the body and body parts!).  She's weighing in at 6 lbs 9 oz already, and growing beautifully.

The whole experience has made me think about why pregnancy is in so many ways a joyful time for me. (Minus, I must admit, those weeks of nausea in the beginning. I don't cherish those weeks very much yet. Maybe someday). But on the whole, I really love being pregnant. And for so many many reasons...

• I love the wonder of it all. The absolute miracle of a baby being created inside of me. I simply stand all amazed that this body of mine knows what to do and how to do it. That somehow, a little human life is taking shape. It is truly godly.
• I love the way pregnancy causes me to reflect on my womanhood. It seems that these months stir me up into deep reflection about what it means to be a woman, a mother, a daughter. I become very introspective about my identity in a calming, soothing way.
• Pregnancy pushes me to be more selfless, something I always need help with and for which I am so grateful.
• I love (even as I struggle) the hard work of getting ready for labor and delivery. With both of these pregnancies--for differing reasons and in differing ways--I have worked really hard to be prepared for the climax event of birth. It is soul searching, faith building, and in every way stretching. I am a better person because of it.
• I love the growing belly! It amazes me sometimes that it can get bigger (and yet I know it can!) I smile to see my shadow on the sidewalk or my reflection in the mirror. 
• I love the connection that is made between mother and child during the womb stage. I love the kicks, the little games we play, the imaginings of who and what she'll be. 
• I love the nesting. I must admit, my nesting urges have slowed considerably in the last week or two (even though I still have so much to do!), but on the whole, pregnancy gives me drive and motivation to go, go, go. And I love it. I love the creativity that comes of it all.
• I love the smiles from strangers I get in the grocery store. I even love the random comments from people saying I must be having a big baby (!) 
• And for all I wince over them, I am grateful for all the little aches and pains of pregnancy. The reminder that this body is not my own. I am grateful to be an instrument in the creation process.
• I even love the struggle to eat well (sometimes failing miserably), and to eat as much as I need (which isn't always "for two"), and to not worry about weight gain, but being healthy and enjoying food.

I know a lot of women moan and groan about pregnancy, and I've met my share who decide during their first pregnancy that one is enough. Break my heart. But I also know I have been extremely blessed to be mostly healthy, only really sick for the first 16 or 17 weeks, and to have normal amounts of aches and pains. I have nothing to complain about. In fact, someone commented to me this last week, "You sure smile a lot for being pregnant!" It took me totally by surprise and made me glad. I hope I always smile when I'm pregnant.

As this pregnancy is ending, it makes me grateful and glad to think that this is mostly likely (hopefully!) not my last. We have a few to go, I'd say. I hope that each one is as wonder-filled and faith-building as this one has been.

Taken this morning: 35 week, 5 days